It’s that time again!

Let’s raise awareness and money for a cause that touches so many lives including my own. Help support Team Auggie! This is our 2nd year at this and I am so excited to do this walk again. Last year, my amazing cheerleaders and I raised almost $6,000 for this amazing cause. September 21st, another walk (running is an option) will be happening. Let’s show the Get Your Rear in Gear community that Team Auggie can do it AGAIN. Show that we can raise that money and spread the word on how important getting screened is – doesn’t matter what age you are. It is important!

SPREAD THE WORD!

Colorectal cancer, or cancer of the colon or rectum, is the second-leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the United States. Each year, it claims more than 53,500 lives. An estimated 145,000 men and women will be diagnosed with colon cancer this year alone. However, colon and rectal cancer can often be prevented with proper screening. Found in its earliest stages, colon cancer is survived by almost 90 percent of patients.

Also – Did you know, the rates for colon & rectal cancer have been declining among adults 50+, but rising in adults UNDER 50? Unfortunately, young-onset patients are more likely to be diagnosed in stage III or IV, when the disease is harder to treat. Missed symptoms and misdiagnosis can often delay the correct diagnosis in young-onset cases.

THAT IS WHY SCREENING IS SO IMPORTANT! Know your body and when something is not right, go in and get it checked out. Better to be safe than sorry!

Colon Cancer Signs & Symptoms:

• Blood in your stool
• Change in Bathroom Habits
• Fatigue (ME)
• Anemia
• Unexplained Weight Loss
• Persistent Cramps or Low Back Pain (ME, painful cramps)
• Feeling bloated (ME)

If you would like to donate or join the team/make a donation, please visit:

http://Donate.coloncancercoalition.org/Seattle/TeamAuggie

I feel that my amazing team and I can raise $10,000 for this event! We can do it. I appreciate all the help and support throughout this journey!

THANK YOU!!!

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

This round has been a little difficult for me. Cancer is just horrible – it fucking sucks. I say this a lot because it really does. There is no easy way to put it or say it. It is the truth. Can I hear a AMEN! Lol One day you feel like you can concur the world and the other day, you feel so crappy that getting out of bed to just get some water can be sooo difficult.

With this round of chemo – my side effects have been acting up. After 28 rounds of treatment, this round I have throw up the most. The strange part, it started while I was on my pump. Damn you Peter the pump. So uncomfortable. I have been eating fine. Nothing I have been craving, but I have been making sure to keep something in my stomach no matter how long it lasted. I have had a lot of mucus back up that has been making my stomach so upset it has been caused me to throw up and following that, I would get cold chills right after led by a hot flash. Hopefully, you reading this isn’t making you gage a bit. Hahaha Sorry, but this is a part of the cancer life. When I went in to get my pump removed, I had a slight temperature (I did a little the night before) and chills while I was sitting there. I explained to the nurse what I was dealing with throughout the weekend leading up to coming in to get the pump off. She called the on call oncologist and they both felt it was best I went to the ER. So off I went for a handful of hours. UGH, but also thankful. It is always best to be safe than sorry and double check that things are okay! Thank goodness everything checked out fine and nothing weird was going on. Just a weird situation and I monitored my temperature after – it has been normal. Since, I have felt pretty okay – minus the slight neuropathy, slight mucus build up (getting better), stomach problems here/there, and the bone aches. I joke that I am 28, but my body a lot of the time feels like I am 82. Soon I will be joking I am 29, but my body feels like I am 92. Oops!

Liver update – I AM OFF OF PREDNISONE! As of Wednesday, June 5th. Could that day have come any sooner. I will be going in next week for labs to make sure my liver enzymes are still looking amazing and NORMAL. I am very happy that my body…my liver has bounced back the way it has. It has been a journey with this liver. With being off of this crap and no more chemo, I can focus on really getting my emotional well-being back on track, find me, and really get this body in fighting shape for surgery. I am wanting to kill this cancer so bad. Surgery is still not scheduled…will be soon!

Something I have been wanting to discuss – CHEMO BRAIN! It is a thing. It is real. It is not fun. Sometimes it is funny! Sometimes it is so annoying. The podcast I have been listening to touched on this because people this is real and I have times where I get frustrated with this. The podcast: “You, Me & and The Big C”. Something these ladies discussed was how you cannot fire off all cylinders – chemo brain SUCKS. I cannot fire off of all cylinders like I did pre-cancer and it is hard for me to wrap my head around. Takes me a little longer to make my mind up and I talk myself out of things I know I can easily do. I do this because I am worried and scared what will happen when I am out and about. Shitting your pants in public isn’t so fun, but feeling like crap in public sucks. Sometimes it can be embarrassing. I have never dealt with this feeling. Pre-cancer, I was living such an independent life and I enjoyed. Go and do whatever I felt like. Had no worries in the world getting in the car or just getting out of the house. Am I being dealt some type of a life lesson? I am 28 years old. Why am I going through this and why is anyone young going through this. No one should be dealing with cancer, but it hurts to know so many people around my age are getting diagnosed and getting diagnosed late. Back on the chemo brain topic, my mind works faster than my mouth at times and it makes me feel like I am stupid and I get irritated, but I love my cheerleaders who make me feel “normal” when I really feel a whole lot of I DON’T KNOW. Takes me a little longer to think before I can fully get the words out. Sometimes I feel like I am learning things over again and it is the weirdest/annoying thing ever. Put me back in kindergarten! Hahahaha It is a change for sure and a change I just need to deal with. Any pointers from my cancer buddies???

Isolation…it is real and it is painful to go through sometimes. Yes, I know I have a wonderful support team, my cheerleaders. Thankful for them all! BUT, I feel this and I know my cancer buddies do too. It just happens. Feeling alone in this journey can creep up on me and it can bring me down. I try so hard to not let this bug me, but it does and I also know it isn’t really true. I am not alone, but this life of having cancer, I feel isolated at times. Important note – FEEL YOUR FEELINGS! Move on from those feelings when YOU are ready to move on. Only you know! But, cry it out…scream it out…laugh it out…yell it out…write it down…punch a pillow if you have to!

For now, I am working on me and finding myself right now! You could say I am slightly lost…but I am find me. Surgery is still the next step for me, right now it is not scheduled at the moment. My team and I were waiting for me to get off of prednisone and give me a little time to recover from that. Get in fighting shape again! I am doing well for the most part. This little time-out with being off of prednisone and treatment will be nice. All is good!

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

Another round of chemo is checked off the list I never created for myself. Nor do I really want to have. All my cancer buddies out there, I know we did not raise our hands and say, “pick me” to have this, but we do and damn we are doing a great job. This isn’t how I pictured my life to be in my twenties, but I am learning to deal with it. Damn it sure is a journey. All I can say is, bye-bye tumor cells. Oh how bad I want this cancer gone, but also I just want to get a good grip of owning my cancer and not let it rule me, but for me to rule the cancer. Cancer is me and is a part of me and will continue to be, but it is not all of me. I am learning to live with my disease. Regardless, I am beating cancer in a way that I am just trying to live the best life I can and really enjoy it while dealing with so much unknown on the way. I say I am beating cancer not because I am NED, in remission, or cancer free…not sure if I will ever here those words, I am hopeful because regardless I am beating cancer the way I am wanting to and it is a learning game for sure!

Getting hit with the liver enzyme complication back in December, having a long standstill figuring that all out/still figuring it out, and getting back on chemo has really put things in perspective that I have FUCKING CANCER. For me, I am taking the time to own MY cancer and do what is best and right for me. I am the one who has to live with it physically and emotionally every day. It is hard and each day is a learning opportunity for me. No one else is in my head or body, it’s me. I am learning the things that may or may not be right for me. Finding my true limits. It is hard not being able to grab my keys and go for a simple drive by myself just to listen to music and get a treat on the way. I loved doing that and I know I will get back to doing that very soon. This is my life/body and I need to own it and learn how to live with it because I have stage IV metastatic colon cancer. Last year was a weird year for me. I not only dealt with battling for my life (I was very numb with the fact that I had cancer), but I was grieving the loss of my dad as well as being there for my loved ones because that is what I do and who I am. My dad and I had a very special relationship, I wish everyday he was by my side. My cancer just seemed like just a huge speed bump and something that I just needed to take on and hope to move on from it. I needed to put my big girl pants on and get it done. Survival mode to the extreme! I just needed to show up, get the chemo, and go back every other week until it was gone. In a way, I felt like a robot. News flash…not happening for me. BUT, I am learning to own it, live with it, and cope with it. I am HOPEFUL for the best…of course!

Side effects this round – Everyone poops, right? Let me just tell you about some exciting fun things I’ve dealt with during this journey especial this round. Just wondering, has anyone ever pooped (diarrhea) in the toilet while vomiting in the bathtub (gotta do what you have to do) and start to have a cold sweat/hot flash all at the same time? That is what happened to me! A couple of times. I also shit my pants as I was walking to the bathroom. Sad part, from where I was to where the bathroom was…….it was just a few steps away. Lol It happens to the best of us! With the situation of throwing up/pooping/sweats all at the same time – within a few hours I felt fine. On the plus side, I did not have to cancel my dinner plans that evening. Yay! Cancer is a very unpredictable situation. Annoying! Cancelling plans SUCK so much. It’s not fun and to be honest, it always makes me sad. It just does, because I would like to do whatever it was more than dealing with crummy side effects. I try not to let it bring me down, but it just does and that it okay. It is okay to feel your feelings and not push them aside, let it all out and move on when you can! At the end of the day, I have cancer and I am just doing the best I can day by day. It is a learning opportunity everyday for me to live with this disease. All I want to do is go back to a cancer free life. With the side effects and all the other crap that comes with cancer – I am really learning to dealing with this cancer life independently. Of course with the support from my cheerleaders! No one can do this alone! Support from family and friends is HUGE and very much needed. But, know support can mean a lot of different things to the person who is dealing with the cancer. Maybe ask the person who is going through it what exactly their needing at the moment are or maybe just do something for them without asking them. It’s hard on both ends to know what is the right thing to do or say – it works the same way as being the one battling this stupid thing. I don’t know what is the right thing to do or say either. It is a constant learning game and it can be so exhausting. My brain hurts a lot with all the thinking that goes on in it. It can be very emotionally braining and going out/spending time with your people can be so exhausting. Holding a conversation can be exhausting. But, I am getting there and finding my own journey along the way. Getting off the nasty medication helps too! 

Liver update…things are looking great and improving! I am almost there to the point I can celebrated with a glass of champagne because I will soon be done with prednisone. I am officially on a taper schedule to get off this stuff. Poppin’ a bottle for sure! This stuff sucks and I have been on it way too long. Longer than I wanted to be, but it was needed and it has helped. I cannot wait to be off of it! Slow and steady wins the race is what my dear friend has been telling me from the start of this prednisone journey. It is so true…

I am slightly behind on posting. Another post will be up shortly because I have also completed round twenty-eight of chemo, that was on May 24th. Stay tuned for more on that round, more on my liver, more about my surgery (maybe, it’s happening just not sure when), and just whatever is on my mind. 🙂

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

Let’s talk about the routine life as a cancer patient when you are at a standstill in your journey. Why, because when you (I) are off of a routine, it throws me off so much. Shocker! Makes me go a little crazy. Think a little too much in that head of mine – what is this cancer doing inside my body as I am trying to get this liver thing squared away. It is always the question in the back on my mind. Every little ache/pain/soreness/twitch I am hoping something isn’t going wrong. It is so hard not to think this all the time. But, we know our bodies the best (try too when it changes so much) and I am starting to get a pretty good understanding when something is alright and it will pass by verses something is not okay. Still working on this because it can be so different each round – each regiment you go through can hit you differently. Anxiety is so REAL. This has been hard for me, something I never really dealt with in my life. For me, I like somewhat of a routine to have somewhat of a schedule with freedom to be spontaneous – some control, especially when my world isn’t like how it was before I got diagnosed with cancer. I honestly just want a life without cancer – in my case, I am working on learning to enjoy living life with cancer. It is hard and I am finding that for myself!

When you are going through the motions of survival ship, I’ve been trying to develop tools that help me cope throughout the way. This shit is tough! Everyone’s journey is different. Some can be put in remission, some may never hear those words, some the cancer could metastasize. There are so many different avenues in this cancer world. Regardless, find the things that really make you happy and get you out of that funk and that head of yours. I am still learning what these tools are for me (especially while I am tapering off the prednisone) and I still have a lot more tools to learn and that is okay! I am a work in progress and guess what, cancer really changes a person. I know I have changed especially the last handful of months. Counseling has become one of those tools for me. Writing my blog – even with a long pause. Reading has become one – books that keep me entertained and give me a good laugh. Getting out of the house is huge for me – even if it is just for an hour or so. Take a Uber somewhere or asking one of your cheerleaders if you are in a situation where you cannot drive. Like me… 👍🏻 Just get out!!! The tools that I have been searching for are also ones I just want to feel like I do not have ‘cancer’. This is not easy. It fucking sucks. So right now, I am just slowly finding my tools that work for me and owning it. Asking for help and reaching out has been something I am learning lot about these last few months. It is hard for me to ask for help when I know I could have done these things so easy before cancer, but now with cancer – sometimes it feels like a HUGE chore and can be so difficult and frustrating sometimes. I am learning to dealing with it day by bay!

BUT, the routine life even though chemo is involved, is nice to be back on some kind of a schedule instead of sitting and waiting and sitting and waiting to get off this prednisone in order to have my SURGERY! So much was and still is going through my mind as I’ve been waiting for this liver complication to get figure out. I want to kill this stage 4 cancer! I want to do all I can to prolong my life in the way I want to!

This 2nd round back on chemo when it comes to the side effects weren’t too bad. Neuropathy is there – uncomfortable, but not as bad. I am feeling it more in my feet/toes than in my hands/fingertips. The chemo dry mouth/scratch voice isn’t the best. THE RUNNY NOSE isn’t very fun either. It just runs. And the mucus back-up, which can cause my stomach to not feel so well. Stomach held up this round and the appetite is doing well for the most part. Still not HUGE, but it’s there. Nothing is really sounding good. Hot flashes are kicking in. And…the hair is thinning. When my hair was really thinning the last time, I really had no problem shaving it off. It was fun; that is how I looked at it because honestly, I would have never done that in my life. I am pretty sure! This time, it was sad taking a shower and seeing hair around my fingers again. It’s been awhile. But, it is just hair and lucky for me, I have a lot of it! And cute hair accessories! Plus, I am just on chemo to keep things at bay until I am off the prednisone. It shouldn’t be too much longer, but things can always CHANGE…

Liver update! I like to happily announce that my liver enzymes are officially in a really good NORMAL range and you all – THIS FEELS SO GREAT! Long journey. In December, my liver enzymes were over 1500 and normal is like 17, 20, 5 – Nope, not me. This has been a long process and road to just get this unusual side effect taken care of, but it is and it makes me feel so good! Seeing that light at the end of the tunnel again! I lost it for minute…for awhile. Maintaining that weight! And most of all, tapering off this prednisone has somewhat began. Now, I say it like this because it’s still going slow. Your body has to react correctly or else. My body rejected the taper process last time and I needed to go back up in dose. IT WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN! Update on the next post with how that is going.

Side note: The book I am reading is AMAZING! For those who are battling cancer yourself, please read this. You will get a good laugh, helpful tips, some great entertainment/insight, and so much to relate too! I will probably relate to some of the things mentioned in my blog and how it relates to me. Along with the podcast that I am really enjoying…You, Me & The Big C!

The book: F*** You Cancer – How to face the big C, live your life and still be yourself
Written by: Deborah James

Currently, I just had round twenty-seven this past Friday (May 10th). I will be posting an update on how that is going soon with an update about the LIVER. I may have another chemo schedule – still waiting to hear back. Another scan will be schedule at some point within the next month or so as well. And hopefully, a little pause from being off of prednisone and chemo before the be big day, which is still unknown! 🙂

#bebrave

xoxo,
Audrey

Feels a little strange writing a title like this again. It seems like treatment for me has been awhile – it has! Back to chemo I go. This is for the time being! Mostly, until I am off of the prednisone (cannot wait) and can gear up for the BIG SURGERY. I will say, it has given me a peace of mind being back on some kind of a treatment plan. To know I am continuing to keep things at bay and being in some kind of a routine for my HEALTH, has taken some stress off my shoulders. Being on a hold from treatment or surgery for that matter because of a complication causes a lot of thinking in that head and anxiety of what is happening inside of me. So – I was okay with getting back on chemo. Plus, seeing my team while getting treatment was nice – it has been awhile and it is always nice to see their smiling faces/warm hugs!

Pump life was not too bad. I forgot how much I miss showering during that time and I know…it is only 46hrs, but that length of time feels like forever. In my situation. The whole sleeping with Peter (pump) was like riding a bike. 😉 The little beep it makes as it pushes the chemo through the tube into my body – I thought I forgot that noise. I could not wait to get it off though and shower. It’s more annoying an anything!

Side effects haven’t been too bad! I hope that it stays that way so all the positive vibes, prayers, and good thoughts PLEASE. As of now, fatigue all the way, but I am pushing through it. Not letting a “little” fatigue stop me from getting out there and having FUN. I forgot how much your nose loves to run like a facet – plus allergy season is beginning. Neuropathy kicked in a little to my hands and mostly to my feet – it hasn’t been too bad, but it has been bothering my feet. A much needed pedicure with an extra massage was scheduled! Regardless, it is never fun and is uncomfortable. And the 💩 talk – it has not been too bad, but had some episodes. And the stomach – it hasn’t been acting up a whole lot, but there has been a few times. The appetite is there for the most part. I’ll be honest, it’s not a big one. Nothing I am really craving nor nothing sounds disgusting. Mostly, I would say chemo fatigue hit me pretty good this round, but what sucks – the prednisone loves to keep you from sleeping. And napping!Prednisone just sucks all around – counting down the days!

On the plus side, I am not getting the whole chemo combination I did prior to starting immunotherapy. My oncologist didn’t think it was necessary, especially with the plan to have surgery here soon! Also, the point of me getting back on chemo is to keep things at bay. So with that, side effects shouldn’t be too terrible – I hope!

The liver enzymes keep improving! All are almost within a good normal range. As of last week, I was able to lower my dose slightly. Regardless, it is an improvement and a blessing that I am steps closer to being off this stuff. This tapering process of the prednisone will be a slooowwww one. My body needs to handle it correctly this time and I know it will. PATIENCE!!! This surgery will happen!

Moving forward, my team and I are just playing it by ear until I am completely off of prednisone. Weekly monitoring for my liver enzymes is still happening and another round of chemo this Friday. Which for me, chemo is every other week.

#bebrave

xoxo,
Audrey

Well, things are finally moving forward – in some way! This period of time in my cancer journey has been a difficult one. The liver complication from the immunotherapy took a toll on me. Personally, this has been a really hard time – emotionally, mentally, and physically. I like to think when this passes and gets resolved, it will all be smooth sailing for me. All my fingers and toes are crossed for that! 😉 I know it will be. I’ve learned and continue to learn a lot about battling this stupid thing. Unfortunately, there isn’t a book to tell you exactly how to do it. Plus, during this time I have learned a lot about ME! Who I am and who I have become throughout this time. There has been a change, I feel it. Especially, during this time of getting my body back to fighting shape. I know change will continue to happen. I know there will continue to be bumps in the road, right now I just want to get past this one.

The liver complication is still slowly getting resolved. Did I think when this hit me back in December, I would still be dealing with it in April? Honestly, I could not tell you. It is so unpredictable. We all thought it would have been resolved at the beginning of the year, but here I am. Yes, this liver complication has taken longer than my team and I thought it would. It should have been resolved and I should have had my original surgery back in January, but that did not happen. Now, I am going on 5 months with no treatment, but who really is counting. Hahaha In the world of cancer, you never really know. There always seems to be that BIG question mark. Things are improving though and I will get back to that!

With surgery being postponed a couple of times now, I am starting to think things are happening for a reason. Maybe it was meant to be. Meant to be that surgery did not happen when it was supposed to.

The big topic of discussion – SURGERY. That is the BIG PLAN for me and will continue to be. Right now, my team and I have decided to not schedule nor think a whole lot about surgery until my liver enzymes are back to normal. So – yes I will have the surgery, but not exactly sure when that will be.

The wait continues…

The Standstill – It has been driving me crazy. It is so frustrating to feel “stuck” and not know exactly when something is going to budge. I want control and I’ve been feeling like I do not have it. I want to kill this cancer and be done with it. Say, bye bye! This damn complication from the immunotherapy has really messed things up. Being off treatment for this long due to a complication and not due to something exciting isn’t enjoyable. It is horrible…I’ve been getting too much in my dang head. Hard not too.

The Medication – Prednisone is horrible. The dang stuff helps so much though. I have a HUGE love/hate relationship for this stuff and I know many can relate. Feeling very disconnected. Very not myself. I’ve been all over the place when it comes to the dose I have been on. It has truly been a rollercoaster of craziness and emotion. For me, January was supposed to be my surgery. But, I am waiting. Waiting for this liver to improve so I can have this surgery. This standstill has been insane. But like I said, maybe it was meant to be.

THE GOOD STUFF – My liver enzymes keep improving and are looking better than they did back in December. Huge improvement!! With this process, I have to take it slow so my body reacts the way it needs to. I have not started the taper process of the prednisone and may not for a few weeks. Making sure my liver enzymes stay in a good and normal spot for a while. I did attempt to taper off the medication before, but my liver enzymes spiked and I had to up my dosage again. After that had happened, we decided to take things very slow. There is improvement every week though! The goal is for me to be off this stuff before moving forward with surgery. I should very soon!

My appetite and weight both are improving! I am happy with this. My poor body.

My CT results from the other week came back looking great! The one concerning spot that we all believe to be on my right ovary has been RESOLVED. Ummm okay! 🙂 YAY!!! I was a little shocked when my doctor told me this, he may have been too. Lol But, overly excited and he was too. Nothing new and nothing grew. I should say, there was a tiny tiny nodule on my lung that popped up in this last CT scan, but my doctor is not concerned about it.

What is next?
With surgery not happening at the moment, I will be returning to chemo tomorrow, April 12th. Peter the pump is making his comeback with the fanny pack! I will be returning to the chemo I was on prior to starting immunotherapy. The reason for why I stopped that treatment plan was due to the toxicity and the immunotherapy was just getting FDA approved at that time. I have been off that treatment for a long time now so I feel along with my team it may not be too bad when it comes to the side effects. With stage 4 cancer and my family history, there is no messing around. That is the frustrating part. The UNKNOWN. With starting chemo, it does give me a peace of mind in away that while I am waiting for this liver complication to get resolved, the chemo is either going to keep things as is or improve whatever else needs to be improved inside my body. So a little bit a of standstill is coming to an end for me and with the chemo, it really is to just keep things at bay until I get the thumps up I can move forward with surgery.

So chemo tomorrow. 👍🏻

#bebrave

xoxo,
Audrey

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

Quick update: My big surgery day was supposed to be this past Tuesday (12th), but that did not happening. Totally okay! For those of you who know about the crazy #snowmaggedon happening in Washington right now – that may be why surgery was postponed (maybe), but my body/mind need a little more time to recover from the whole liver side effect and the medication. This surgery is HUGE and I need to be in the best physical and mental state possible! A little more of a break will do the body some good and everyone is one the same page! 

With the whole liver thing, it is improving and I am happy to say, my liver is back to normal. Gosh, what a process this has taken. I am thankful for the improvement and for my body staying strong. I have been really making sure the food that I have been putting in my body is fueling that liver of mine, but I need to gain those pounds too. In December, I was at the lowest I’ve been during this journey and that was scary. Sleeping was uncomfortable as my bones knocked together. I had no rear to make sitting comfy. And my clothes just hung on my body. Honestly, I didn’t feel good about who I saw in the mirror. But I know it’s the stupid cancer trying to take over…I won’t let it! The pounds are slowing getting added on, that appetite is improving, and that feel good feeling is coming back. It is a slow process, but I am getting there!

This standstill is scary though. I have been off of treatment since the 20th of November and all that goes though your mind is…what the HELL is this cancer doing inside me. Guess what, NOTHING!!! As of my latest CT scan, the only concerning spot is the one I’ve talked about that is located on my right ovary. Not something I am worried about, that will be taken out on surgery day. The news of my CT scan was just what I needed to hear! The fact that I have been off of treatment for this lengthy period of time and received that kind of news…I’m happy!!!!!!!!!!!! Relieved! Because in the back of my mind, I am freaking about this surgery, but I am so ready to get this nasty stuff out of my body. 

With not having treatment right now, still recovering from the side effect, and gearing up for surgery…I am just taking one day at a time! The new surgery date has not been scheduled, but we are looking at next month! Stay tuned… 

Thanks for following along! 

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

Before I get too deep into this post, I just want to put it out there…this is my story and I am writing this to be open with you all and most importantly with myself. Everyone’s cancer story is different. Everyone’s body is different. I could be battling the same type of cancer as someone else, but we both could be on different paths. No matter what, we all have a story to tell, our story and it may be different. Regardless, in the cancer world…we can relate to each other on a different level than we can with anyone else.

With this post, it is really about my story and what will work for me!

Ever heard of HIPEC? What it actually stands for ⬇️:
Hyperthermic (or Heated) Intraoperative Peritoneal Chemotherapy

As of now, next month I will be going in for another surgery. A pretty intense and long surgery. The goal behind it, to get rid of the disease. The surgery will mostly be my surgeon cleaning out the cancer, but what is so great…remember there is very little disease. Not much cleaning! Following the clean out, my surgeon may go in with HIPEC to finish the job. Now, a lot can go into this surgery and everyone’s situation with this procedure can be different. So for now, I am getting the cancer cleaned out of me! The surgery will be about 8 hours and I could be in the hospital anywhere from 7-9 days with a long recovery time at home. And again, the goal is to eliminate the remaining cancer. Of course, the right ovary came up in this conversation. My surgeon wasn’t able to get the camera down to see it, but he strongly feels he will need to remove it. The question comes to mind…do I have a whole hysterectomy? Yes…

I have mentioned earlier on, my mom battled ovarian cancer. With that and everything else, the answer is yes. Along with having the HIPEC surgery, I will also have a hysterectomy. After being diagnosed, it makes you think…A LOT. When you get genetic testing done, it makes you think…A LOT. It makes you think A LOT about life. But, I always have to remind myself it is really about what is going on right now. Remember, taking one day at a time. What can I do to better my situation and better my life now? What can I do to make sure I continue living my life the best and healthiest way I can? Being cancer free 👊🏻.

I am okay with this! There are many reasons why someone may not be able to have children or want children. It is their own story and something we should not judge them for. I will not be able to carry my own child, but there is another plan for me. It does hurt a little though, I would be lying to you and myself if it didn’t. But, right now in my life it is about me and what I can do to better my situation for the long run.

Personally, I try not to think too far in the future to be completely honest. It is hard…I like to plan. 😬 You get an idea in your head and next minute you have this whole thing planned out, but when will it happen? Storing that idea for later because that idea will happen someday. Right now though, it is honestly about me and getting back to living that life.

In all honesty, it is a touchy subject for anyone. It all depends on how you take it. For me, it’s all about thinking as positive as you can. It is okay and it will be okay. I am human and I sure have my bad days. Days where I really am in a funk and I may take it out on a cheerleader of mine or two or couple. I really don’t mean too. I am battling cancer. But gosh, I need to remember how far I have come.

If you have been going through a hard time in your life, look back on all the good times this year (try to ignore the negative), on the things you have accomplished, the things that have made you happy…those are what we should always remember. Positivity is so key!

If all goes to plan, surgery is all set for January 15th. I am ready to take this risk. I am excited, but scared as HELL. It is surgery, but one that can make a difference in my life. Regardless, this is the right “next step” for me and I feel good about it! My plan is to have my Instagram documenting my journey through recovery and I will blog when I can! 🙂

Thank you all for your support and time with reading my cancer journey! I am excited to see what 2019 will bring. I wish you all a great NYE!

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!

I have not put it out there yet when it comes to the next steps for me. Things are slightly on hold for a moment and I have been very distracted. The life of having cancer is always keeping you on your toes. Things can always change. Be put on hold for the time being. But, that is okay…things are slowly improving and will continue too! Something I have been reminding myself, ‘Take one day at a time”!

With treatment, the last immunotherapy (3 rounds total on with plan) was right before Thanksgiving. It has been on hold. With the hospital visit I had at the beginning of the month due of side effects from treatment, my body is still bouncing back from that. My liver enzymes are elevated at the moment and we are needing to get that under control…and it is!!! So for now, I have just been taking a time out to get my MIND and BODY back to fighting shape. It has been challenging for me, but filtering those positive vibes. As of Christmas Eve, my numbers have improved! Liver enzymes are moving in the right direction.

Backing it up to last month, the Laperscopic Surgery explanation is long over due. The reason – my surgeon wanted to go in and see what all this cancer is doing inside me. He wanted to see what all he is working with. His plan was to take out any spots that may be questionable and to get biopsies done. In a previous post, I mention there was an area that showed growth in a CT scan a few months back. We all know with CT scans, the images can only show so much and even what was captured can be fuzzy. That area that showed growth, my surgeon felt it to be my right ovary. He wanted to see with his own eyes what is going on with with area. Unfortunately, the camera wasn’t able to make its way down to that area due to build up of tissue. However, my surgeon still strongly believes it is my right ovary and something I will consider taking out.

With the results from the Laparoscopic Surgery, I was excited! Not only did my surgeon say there was very little disease, the few spots that were collected for a biopsy came back NEGATIVE. Plus, he mentioned he liked how clean everything looked. SAY WHAT! Guys, despite what has been going on this month…this makes me feel good and I need to remember only this kind of stuff. The GOOD stuff. Easier said than done! 😉 My body has gone through so much change in a short amount of time, but it has been staying strong for me and continues too.

Regardless of the slight hiccup, everything else is still looking really good! At the moment, I will be going in for weekly blood work and meeting with a liver specialist to keep on top of my liver enzymes and making sure they are moving in the right direction. BECAUSE the next step for me is a pretty intense surgery that has been long overdue to share and I will in the next post! Thanks for your patience.

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

Part 1

I know…I’ve been slightly behind in getting my blog posts out there for you all to read. I have so much to share with everyone, but a few minor bumps in the road came in the way. All is good though!

I want to start off by saying, I am very fortunate and blessed for the amazing care team I have. Plus, a HUGE shout out to my cheerleaders for keeping my spirits up, checking in on me, visiting me…whatever it may be, thank you! The biggest SHOUT OUT goes to my brother and being by my side!!! 💙 Especially, a long ER visit…

This past weekend was a little bit different of scenery for me. I had to go to the ER. Not something you ever want to do. Plus, this was my first scary moment where it led me to the ER. It wasn’t how I wanted to spend my weekend, but what gave me a piece of mind was my Oncologist was on call and would be there to check-in with me. I hear horror stories about unplanned hospital visits when dealing with something like cancer. Let’s be honest, no matter what the situation is, going to the ER isn’t ideal. Cancer sucks and with everything else that comes along with it…I feel my head is going to explode. This whole process can honestly be very OVERWHELMING and taking a step back to breathe, is so important. Reflect on the good! Regardless of what happened this weekend, I have come such a long way and I still have a long road ahead, but a good one!

For me, this visit was immunotherapy related. As of now, I officially have had 3 rounds of immunotherapy. A lot of things can happen with any type of treatment plan you are on. The best thing for the patient themselves, know your body. Know when your body really is not doing okay. All last week, I was spiking a fever in the evening, but it would not last long. It would gradually move its way back down to normal. In the morning and during the day, my temperature was fine. A deep cough started to form as well. This just brought a lot of discomfort. The turning point that really got my brother and I to call my Oncologist again and really thought it was time to go in…jaundice. Saturday morning, I noticed when looking in the mirror, the whites of my eyes were a yellow pigment. When I was outside shortly after noticing my eyes, my brother noticed my face was yellow and honestly, I did not look good.

Off to the ER I went. With my Oncologist being the on call doctor, he wanted me to come in so we can get a jump on what is going on. All about staying ahead as much as we can. We all know ER visits can be long and oh man was it ever. It was fine though. I had all sorts of tests ran to rule out anything and everything, but the temperature and deep cough…those were side effects from the immunotherapy. Regardless, it is always best to make sure it is nothing more than what I am already dealing with. My immune system was just in shock. Immunotherapy ramps it up and could cause some issues. My jaundice is from my liver and how it is not happy at the moment. The toxicity from all the treatments I’ve been on just got to be a little too much. I was admitted for 2 days. While I was in the hospital I received fluids, lots of monitoring, medication to help reverse what is going on, and “rest”. Hahahaha Like that is easy in a hospital. Everything has and still is improving!! My liver function is moving in the right direction!!! I haven’t had a fever of some sort since last weekend. It’s all up hill from here!

The plan for now is to take some time off from immunotherapy and rest! I have some BIG things in the works within the next month that I will be sharing throughout the next couple of days. I will be spreading my posts out so stay tuned for Part 2.

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey