Countdown to SURGERY…

No surgery for me. There is no countdown going on anymore – at least for now. I had a completely different blog post I was working on and getting ready to post it, but not happening. Funny, how things change.

Nope, not frustrating at the least. Not annoyed or emotional. Thought the 4th time would be the charm, maybe the 5th? I’ve just been over here preparing for something HUGE and LIFE changing for my life. Not a big deal. Oh how bad I want this cancer gone and how bad I want to move on from this. Something I felt so ready for…finally. The liver issue has been resolved, my cancer is keeping at bay, and I am in a much better place with the body and mind to move forward. My plan moving forward was surgery though. WTF. Surgery is not happening on the 13th of August like I thought it would; like all you did too. No, it is not happening and most of all, it isn’t because of me or my health stopping it. Yay for that! Or even insurance. It is a lack of communication and organization on the hospital side. I thought my surgery was all good to go mid June when it was schedule, so I thought. But, it was not schedule, so I am being told.

I do not have any additional information other than the bit I just shared above. I have a follow up with my surgeon soon to discuss everything that has been going on the last several months that prevented me from having this surgery three other times. Hopefully, I will get clarification and answers. Discuss the potential of surgery, I hope, or just get a good game plan in place. I don’t have one right now and it is beyond frustrating. My game plan was my surgery on the 13th. I have no idea what this meeting will bring. The wait along with the unknown continues for me and it sucks.

Fuck cancer – this world is not fun. A lot of dark days pass by. A lot of tears. A lot of lonely and quiet times. A lot of let downs. A lot of WHY ME moments go through my mind. Even the thought – “why am I living, why am I here” goes through my head. However, you learn a lot, I have learned a lot. I have learned a lot about MYSELF and the person who I have always been and the person who I want to become. I have learned a lot about support and what that looks like through my support system. I have learned a lot about life and how to live it with an illness; how to overcome what you think you cannot. What to put up with and what not to put up with. I am still learning all of this and will never stop learning. I have learned what is really important in my life and what really isn’t or what isn’t the best or the most fulfilling for me. I have learned we are NEVER too busy in life. This cancer journey is very life changing in so many ways. Good and bad. Something I have been taking time to learn to put myself first and to really focus on my wants and needs. This is my journey, my cancer, and my life. I am my biggest advocate for my life – you are yours!

I have way better news to share because that is what I need to and should be focusing on (it is a struggle)…my CT scan results! All came back looking amazing. Giving myself a HUGE pat on the back because thank you to my body for staying strong and determined to bounce back. The remaining little devils inside me haven’t grown nor any new ones showing up! Nothing is changing. Very happy to hear this news for sure!

For surgery, a blog post will follow whenever that happens. In the meantime, I am just trying to stay positive!

Get Your Rear in Gear – if you would like to support me and my team by either donating and/or joining the team, please visit:





The BIG Day is Scheduled…

Never a dull moment in the cancer world, but things are finally looking up for me! I feel good about what is next to come. Not a whole lot to share with on this post, but I am wanting to share an important date…two actually!

SURGERY – it is schedule for August 13th. It is finally happening. I’ve been off of prednisone since June 5th and off of chemo since May 26th to gear up for this surgery. My latest bloodwork came back looking great! My liver specialist was very excited to call me last week to share the good news. I am happy to say, my liver enzymes are functioning on their own, which means bye-bye prednisone.

With the time I have before surgery, there are things I am wanting to focus on. The number one thing is ME! I am working on that body and mind because both have been through a lot especially the last handful of months. Prednisone takes a toll on your body, really messes it up, and it has on mine. Happy to be off this stuff! Focusing on living that life…taking a trip to OR next month and I cannot wait! I haven’t been out of WA for a LONG TIME and I am really looking forward to it. Eating and eating whatever sounds good and looks good. If it is sugar, I don’t care! Bring on the ice-cream. Exercise!!!!!!!!!! I need to gain those pounds and gain that muscle – very important before my big day. I’ve started to get into swimming. Now, I am no pro, but I do enjoy it and my body feels good after. Need to kill this head cold before I can get back at it. 

For the time I have been off of prednisone, I am starting to slowly feel like a person again, despite living with cancer. I am driving more and getting out more. Getting that independence back in away! Socializing way more and really getting out of the house. I am enjoying life again! In away, I feel things are starting to look up for me and it feels good!

The second important date is September 21st! Get Your Rear in Gear walk will be happening again and I cannot wait to walk with all the participants especially Team Auggie. Let’s raise awareness on how important screening is and it doesn’t matter at what age, it needs to be done.

If you would like to donate and/or join the team, please visit:

In the mean time, I am gearing up for surgery! Regardless, I will be at the walk in September and if I have to be pushed in a wheelchair, fine by me. I will be there. Hopefully, I will be walking with my team and everyone else! 🙂





Get Your Rear in Gear – 2019

It’s that time again!

Let’s raise awareness and money for a cause that touches so many lives including my own. Help support Team Auggie! This is our 2nd year at this and I am so excited to do this walk again. Last year, my amazing cheerleaders and I raised almost $6,000 for this amazing cause. September 21st, another walk (running is an option) will be happening. Let’s show the Get Your Rear in Gear community that Team Auggie can do it AGAIN. Show that we can raise that money and spread the word on how important getting screened is – doesn’t matter what age you are. It is important!


Colorectal cancer, or cancer of the colon or rectum, is the second-leading cause of cancer-related deaths in the United States. Each year, it claims more than 53,500 lives. An estimated 145,000 men and women will be diagnosed with colon cancer this year alone. However, colon and rectal cancer can often be prevented with proper screening. Found in its earliest stages, colon cancer is survived by almost 90 percent of patients.

Also – Did you know, the rates for colon & rectal cancer have been declining among adults 50+, but rising in adults UNDER 50? Unfortunately, young-onset patients are more likely to be diagnosed in stage III or IV, when the disease is harder to treat. Missed symptoms and misdiagnosis can often delay the correct diagnosis in young-onset cases.

THAT IS WHY SCREENING IS SO IMPORTANT! Know your body and when something is not right, go in and get it checked out. Better to be safe than sorry!

Colon Cancer Signs & Symptoms:

  • Blood in your stool
  • Change in Bathroom Habits
  • Fatigue (ME)
  • Anemia
  • Unexplained Weight Loss
  • Persistent Cramps or Low Back Pain (ME, painful cramps)
  • Feeling bloated (ME)

If you would like to donate or join the team/make a donation, please visit:

I feel that my amazing team and I can raise $10,000 for this event! We can do it. I appreciate all the help and support throughout this journey!





Round Twenty-eight…✔️

This round has been a little difficult for me. Cancer is just horrible – it fucking sucks. I say this a lot because it really does. There is no easy way to put it or say it. It is the truth. Can I hear a AMEN! Lol One day you feel like you can concur the world and the other day, you feel so crappy that getting out of bed to just get some water can be sooo difficult.

With this round of chemo – my side effects have been acting up. After 28 rounds of treatment, this round I have throw up the most. The strange part, it started while I was on my pump. Damn you Peter the pump. So uncomfortable. I have been eating fine. Nothing I have been craving, but I have been making sure to keep something in my stomach no matter how long it lasted. I have had a lot of mucus back up that has been making my stomach so upset it has been caused me to throw up and following that, I would get cold chills right after led by a hot flash. Hopefully, you reading this isn’t making you gage a bit. Hahaha Sorry, but this is a part of the cancer life. When I went in to get my pump removed, I had a slight temperature (I did a little the night before) and chills while I was sitting there. I explained to the nurse what I was dealing with throughout the weekend leading up to coming in to get the pump off. She called the on call oncologist and they both felt it was best I went to the ER. So off I went for a handful of hours. UGH, but also thankful. It is always best to be safe than sorry and double check that things are okay! Thank goodness everything checked out fine and nothing weird was going on. Just a weird situation and I monitored my temperature after – it has been normal. Since, I have felt pretty okay – minus the slight neuropathy, slight mucus build up (getting better), stomach problems here/there, and the bone aches. I joke that I am 28, but my body a lot of the time feels like I am 82. Soon I will be joking I am 29, but my body feels like I am 92. Oops!

Liver update – I AM OFF OF PREDNISONE! As of Wednesday, June 5th. Could that day have come any sooner. I will be going in next week for labs to make sure my liver enzymes are still looking amazing and NORMAL. I am very happy that my body…my liver has bounced back the way it has. It has been a journey with this liver. With being off of this crap and no more chemo, I can focus on really getting my emotional well-being back on track, find me, and really get this body in fighting shape for surgery. I am wanting to kill this cancer so bad. Surgery is still not scheduled…will be soon!

Something I have been wanting to discuss – CHEMO BRAIN! It is a thing. It is real. It is not fun. Sometimes it is funny! Sometimes it is so annoying. The podcast I have been listening to touched on this because people this is real and I have times where I get frustrated with this. The podcast: “You, Me & and The Big C”. Something these ladies discussed was how you cannot fire off all cylinders – chemo brain SUCKS. I cannot fire off of all cylinders like I did pre-cancer and it is hard for me to wrap my head around. Takes me a little longer to make my mind up and I talk myself out of things I know I can easily do. I do this because I am worried and scared what will happen when I am out and about. Shitting your pants in public isn’t so fun, but feeling like crap in public sucks. Sometimes it can be embarrassing. I have never dealt with this feeling. Pre-cancer, I was living such an independent life and I enjoyed. Go and do whatever I felt like. Had no worries in the world getting in the car or just getting out of the house. Am I being dealt some type of a life lesson? I am 28 years old. Why am I going through this and why is anyone young going through this. No one should be dealing with cancer, but it hurts to know so many people around my age are getting diagnosed and getting diagnosed late. Back on the chemo brain topic, my mind works faster than my mouth at times and it makes me feel like I am stupid and I get irritated, but I love my cheerleaders who make me feel “normal” when I really feel a whole lot of I DON’T KNOW. Takes me a little longer to think before I can fully get the words out. Sometimes I feel like I am learning things over again and it is the weirdest/annoying thing ever. Put me back in kindergarten! Hahahaha It is a change for sure and a change I just need to deal with. Any pointers from my cancer buddies???

Isolation…it is real and it is painful to go through sometimes. Yes, I know I have a wonderful support team, my cheerleaders. Thankful for them all! BUT, I feel this and I know my cancer buddies do too. It just happens. Feeling alone in this journey can creep up on me and it can bring me down. I try so hard to not let this bug me, but it does and I also know it isn’t really true. I am not alone, but this life of having cancer, I feel isolated at times. Important note – FEEL YOUR FEELINGS! Move on from those feelings when YOU are ready to move on. Only you know! But, cry it out…scream it out…laugh it out…yell it out…write it down…punch a pillow if you have to!

For now, I am working on me and finding myself right now! You could say I am slightly lost…but I am find me. Surgery is still the next step for me, right now it is not scheduled at the moment. My team and I were waiting for me to get off of prednisone and give me a little time to recover from that. Get in fighting shape again! I am doing well for the most part. This little time-out with being off of prednisone and treatment will be nice. All is good!




Round Twenty-seven…✔️

Another round of chemo is checked off the list I never created for myself. Nor do I really want to have. All my cancer buddies out there, I know we did not raise our hands and say, “pick me” to have this, but we do and damn we are doing a great job. This isn’t how I pictured my life to be in my twenties, but I am learning to deal with it. Damn it sure is a journey. All I can say is, bye-bye tumor cells. Oh how bad I want this cancer gone, but also I just want to get a good grip of owning my cancer and not let it rule me, but for me to rule the cancer. Cancer is me and is a part of me and will continue to be, but it is not all of me. I am learning to live with my disease. Regardless, I am beating cancer in a way that I am just trying to live the best life I can and really enjoy it while dealing with so much unknown on the way. I say I am beating cancer not because I am NED, in remission, or cancer free…not sure if I will ever here those words, I am hopeful because regardless I am beating cancer the way I am wanting to and it is a learning game for sure!

Getting hit with the liver enzyme complication back in December, having a long standstill figuring that all out/still figuring it out, and getting back on chemo has really put things in perspective that I have FUCKING CANCER. For me, I am taking the time to own MY cancer and do what is best and right for me. I am the one who has to live with it physically and emotionally every day. It is hard and each day is a learning opportunity for me. No one else is in my head or body, it’s me. I am learning the things that may or may not be right for me. Finding my true limits. It is hard not being able to grab my keys and go for a simple drive by myself just to listen to music and get a treat on the way. I loved doing that and I know I will get back to doing that very soon. This is my life/body and I need to own it and learn how to live with it because I have stage IV metastatic colon cancer. Last year was a weird year for me. I not only dealt with battling for my life (I was very numb with the fact that I had cancer), but I was grieving the loss of my dad as well as being there for my loved ones because that is what I do and who I am. My dad and I had a very special relationship, I wish everyday he was by my side. My cancer just seemed like just a huge speed bump and something that I just needed to take on and hope to move on from it. I needed to put my big girl pants on and get it done. Survival mode to the extreme! I just needed to show up, get the chemo, and go back every other week until it was gone. In a way, I felt like a robot. News flash…not happening for me. BUT, I am learning to own it, live with it, and cope with it. I am HOPEFUL for the best…of course!

Side effects this round – Everyone poops, right? Let me just tell you about some exciting fun things I’ve dealt with during this journey especial this round. Just wondering, has anyone ever pooped (diarrhea) in the toilet while vomiting in the bathtub (gotta do what you have to do) and start to have a cold sweat/hot flash all at the same time? That is what happened to me! A couple of times. I also shit my pants as I was walking to the bathroom. Sad part, from where I was to where the bathroom was…….it was just a few steps away. Lol It happens to the best of us! With the situation of throwing up/pooping/sweats all at the same time – within a few hours I felt fine. On the plus side, I did not have to cancel my dinner plans that evening. Yay! Cancer is a very unpredictable situation. Annoying! Cancelling plans SUCK so much. It’s not fun and to be honest, it always makes me sad. It just does, because I would like to do whatever it was more than dealing with crummy side effects. I try not to let it bring me down, but it just does and that it okay. It is okay to feel your feelings and not push them aside, let it all out and move on when you can! At the end of the day, I have cancer and I am just doing the best I can day by day. It is a learning opportunity everyday for me to live with this disease. All I want to do is go back to a cancer free life. With the side effects and all the other crap that comes with cancer – I am really learning to dealing with this cancer life independently. Of course with the support from my cheerleaders! No one can do this alone! Support from family and friends is HUGE and very much needed. But, know support can mean a lot of different things to the person who is dealing with the cancer. Maybe ask the person who is going through it what exactly their needing at the moment are or maybe just do something for them without asking them. It’s hard on both ends to know what is the right thing to do or say – it works the same way as being the one battling this stupid thing. I don’t know what is the right thing to do or say either. It is a constant learning game and it can be so exhausting. My brain hurts a lot with all the thinking that goes on in it. It can be very emotionally braining and going out/spending time with your people can be so exhausting. Holding a conversation can be exhausting. But, I am getting there and finding my own journey along the way. Getting off the nasty medication helps too! 

Liver update…things are looking great and improving! I am almost there to the point I can celebrated with a glass of champagne because I will soon be done with prednisone. I am officially on a taper schedule to get off this stuff. Poppin’ a bottle for sure! This stuff sucks and I have been on it way too long. Longer than I wanted to be, but it was needed and it has helped. I cannot wait to be off of it! Slow and steady wins the race is what my dear friend has been telling me from the start of this prednisone journey. It is so true…

I am slightly behind on posting. Another post will be up shortly because I have also completed round twenty-eight of chemo, that was on May 24th. Stay tuned for more on that round, more on my liver, more about my surgery (maybe, it’s happening just not sure when), and just whatever is on my mind. 🙂




Round Twenty-six…✔️

Let’s talk about the routine life as a cancer patient when you are at a standstill in your journey. Why, because when you (I) are off of a routine, it throws me off so much. Shocker! Makes me go a little crazy. Think a little too much in that head of mine – what is this cancer doing inside my body as I am trying to get this liver thing squared away. It is always the question in the back on my mind. Every little ache/pain/soreness/twitch I am hoping something isn’t going wrong. It is so hard not to think this all the time. But, we know our bodies the best (try too when it changes so much) and I am starting to get a pretty good understanding when something is alright and it will pass by verses something is not okay. Still working on this because it can be so different each round – each regiment you go through can hit you differently. Anxiety is so REAL. This has been hard for me, something I never really dealt with in my life. For me, I like somewhat of a routine to have somewhat of a schedule with freedom to be spontaneous – some control, especially when my world isn’t like how it was before I got diagnosed with cancer. I honestly just want a life without cancer – in my case, I am working on learning to enjoy living life with cancer. It is hard and I am finding that for myself!

When you are going through the motions of survival ship, I’ve been trying to develop tools that help me cope throughout the way. This shit is tough! Everyone’s journey is different. Some can be put in remission, some may never hear those words, some the cancer could metastasize. There are so many different avenues in this cancer world. Regardless, find the things that really make you happy and get you out of that funk and that head of yours. I am still learning what these tools are for me (especially while I am tapering off the prednisone) and I still have a lot more tools to learn and that is okay! I am a work in progress and guess what, cancer really changes a person. I know I have changed especially the last handful of months. Counseling has become one of those tools for me. Writing my blog – even with a long pause. Reading has become one – books that keep me entertained and give me a good laugh. Getting out of the house is huge for me – even if it is just for an hour or so. Take a Uber somewhere or asking one of your cheerleaders if you are in a situation where you cannot drive. Like me… 👍🏻 Just get out!!! The tools that I have been searching for are also ones I just want to feel like I do not have ‘cancer’. This is not easy. It fucking sucks. So right now, I am just slowly finding my tools that work for me and owning it. Asking for help and reaching out has been something I am learning lot about these last few months. It is hard for me to ask for help when I know I could have done these things so easy before cancer, but now with cancer – sometimes it feels like a HUGE chore and can be so difficult and frustrating sometimes. I am learning to dealing with it day by bay!

BUT, the routine life even though chemo is involved, is nice to be back on some kind of a schedule instead of sitting and waiting and sitting and waiting to get off this prednisone in order to have my SURGERY! So much was and still is going through my mind as I’ve been waiting for this liver complication to get figure out. I want to kill this stage 4 cancer! I want to do all I can to prolong my life in the way I want to!

This 2nd round back on chemo when it comes to the side effects weren’t too bad. Neuropathy is there – uncomfortable, but not as bad. I am feeling it more in my feet/toes than in my hands/fingertips. The chemo dry mouth/scratch voice isn’t the best. THE RUNNY NOSE isn’t very fun either. It just runs. And the mucus back-up, which can cause my stomach to not feel so well. Stomach held up this round and the appetite is doing well for the most part. Still not HUGE, but it’s there. Nothing is really sounding good. Hot flashes are kicking in. And…the hair is thinning. :/ When my hair was really thinning the last time, I really had no problem shaving it off. It was fun; that is how I looked at it because honestly, I would have never done that in my life. I am pretty sure! This time, it was sad taking a shower and seeing hair around my fingers again. It’s been awhile. But, it is just hair and lucky for me, I have a lot of it! And cute hair accessories! Plus, I am just on chemo to keep things at bay until I am off the prednisone. It shouldn’t be too much longer, but things can always CHANGE…

Liver update! I like to happily announce that my liver enzymes are officially in a really good NORMAL range and you all – THIS FEELS SO GREAT! Long journey. In December, my liver enzymes were over 1500 and normal is like 17, 20, 5 – Nope, not me. This has been a long process and road to just get this unusual side effect taken care of, but it is and it makes me feel so good! Seeing that light at the end of the tunnel again! I lost it for minute…for awhile. Maintaining that weight! And most of all, tapering off this prednisone has somewhat began. Now, I say it like this because it’s still going slow. Your body has to react correctly or else. My body rejected the taper process last time and I needed to go back up in dose. IT WILL NOT DO IT AGAIN! Update on the next post with how that is going.

Side note: The book I am reading is AMAZING! For those who are battling cancer yourself, please read this. You will get a good laugh, helpful tips, some great entertainment/insight, and so much to relate too! I will probably relate to some of the things mentioned in my blog and how it relates to me. Along with the podcast that I am really enjoying…You, Me & The Big C!

The book: F*** You Cancer – How to face the big C, live your life and still be yourself
Written by: Deborah James

Currently, I just had round twenty-seven this past Friday (May 10th). I will be posting an update on how that is going soon with an update about the LIVER. I may have another chemo schedule – still waiting to hear back. Another scan will be schedule at some point within the next month or so as well. And hopefully, a little pause from being off of prednisone and chemo before the be big day, which is still unknown! 🙂



Round Twenty-five…✔️

Feels a little strange writing a title like this again. It seems like treatment for me has been awhile – it has! Back to chemo I go. This is for the time being! Mostly, until I am off of the prednisone (cannot wait) and can gear up for the BIG SURGERY. I will say, it has given me a peace of mind being back on some kind of a treatment plan. To know I am continuing to keep things at bay and being in some kind of a routine for my HEALTH, has taken some stress off my shoulders. Being on a hold from treatment or surgery for that matter because of a complication causes a lot of thinking in that head and anxiety of what is happening inside of me. So – I was okay with getting back on chemo. Plus, seeing my team while getting treatment was nice – it has been awhile and it is always nice to see their smiling faces/warm hugs!

Pump life was not too bad. I forgot how much I miss showering during that time and I know…it is only 46hrs, but that length of time feels like forever. In my situation. The whole sleeping with Peter (pump) was like riding a bike. 😉 The little beep it makes as it pushes the chemo through the tube into my body – I thought I forgot that noise. I could not wait to get it off though and shower. It’s more annoying an anything!

Side effects haven’t been too bad! I hope that it stays that way so all the positive vibes, prayers, and good thoughts PLEASE. As of now, fatigue all the way, but I am pushing through it. Not letting a “little” fatigue stop me from getting out there and having FUN. I forgot how much your nose loves to run like a facet – plus allergy season is beginning. Neuropathy kicked in a little to my hands and mostly to my feet – it hasn’t been too bad, but it has been bothering my feet. A much needed pedicure with an extra massage was scheduled! Regardless, it is never fun and is uncomfortable. And the 💩 talk – it has not been too bad, but had some episodes. And the stomach – it hasn’t been acting up a whole lot, but there has been a few times. The appetite is there for the most part. I’ll be honest, it’s not a big one. Nothing I am really craving nor nothing sounds disgusting. Mostly, I would say chemo fatigue hit me pretty good this round, but what sucks – the prednisone loves to keep you from sleeping. And napping!Prednisone just sucks all around – counting down the days!

On the plus side, I am not getting the whole chemo combination I did prior to starting immunotherapy. My oncologist didn’t think it was necessary, especially with the plan to have surgery here soon! Also, the point of me getting back on chemo is to keep things at bay. So with that, side effects shouldn’t be too terrible – I hope!

The liver enzymes keep improving! All are almost within a good normal range. As of last week, I was able to lower my dose slightly. Regardless, it is an improvement and a blessing that I am steps closer to being off this stuff. This tapering process of the prednisone will be a slooowwww one. My body needs to handle it correctly this time and I know it will. PATIENCE!!! This surgery will happen!

Moving forward, my team and I are just playing it by ear until I am completely off of prednisone. Weekly monitoring for my liver enzymes is still happening and another round of chemo this Friday. Which for me, chemo is every other week.