A little time has gone by and I’ve been meaning to share my latest CT results. Lately, I have been feeling good and have had a little more energy. I’ve been more active and pushing myself a little more. It sure is a different world out there when you are starting to feel good. Especially, when you are not so worried about when 💩 about to hit the fan. Lol But really! It is a nice change. With the CT scan results, there are some unknowns that are getting figure out, I at least wanted to share what I know at the moment.

The Good: Two tumors are still responding and really shrinking. THIS IS SO EXCITING. From where I was in February to now, I am in a “much” better spot. It is a nice breath of fresh air. Regardless, this journey continues on and I keep praying that one day I will have no signs of disease, but hearing “the good” is so nice. All that I have been through this last year, it sure makes me feel good. In away, it is paying off!

With the results, came some unfortunate news however.

The Bad: The third spot that is considered to be located in the adnexal region has slightly grown. This area refers to the area connected to the uterus. From the looks of it on the scan, this spot that has slightly grown looks to be located on my right ovary or at least very close to it. 😦

With this new and not so good information, I will be having another surgery…very soon. Now, what that will look like is still getting figured out. Throughout this journey, there are a lot of unknowns and things can always change. Being on your toes is a must! Right now, with things getting figured out, I wont get into too many details mostly because nothing is set and stone at the moment. Regardless, I have a couple different avenues as to what I can do. Different options for when it comes to surgery. Options are good, right? I usually like options.

With knowing I will have another surgery coming up here soon, I am trying not to think too much into it. I would love to not have a repeat of last time. A little recap, I was prepped and told I was having my appendix removed. I was told surgery would only take 45min to an hour. I was told I would leave the next day. Well, none of that happened. 4ish hours later, I was out of surgery. I woke up and my dad explained to me that I have cancer. I was told my appendix was just fine. And staying 1 night ended up being a 4 night stay for me. Plus, way more staples than I was hoping for. So it would be nice to have a different outcome. Honestly, my surgeon who is amazing can do whatever, as long as the cancer is GONE! I look at it as a way for my surgeon to physically see what’s going on…I mean scans can only show us so much. Right!?!

As things do start to get figured out, I will be sharing the game plan and opening up more about that. For now, I had my 2nd round of immunotherapy With immunotherapy being every three weeks, having the longer gap between treatments is so nice. Chemo was really getting to me, physically and mentally. Honestly, there were moments I wish never happened…but there were a few I am happy they did. Regardless, I am happy to be off of chemo for now. Immunotherapy is a complete game change for the better, I think. Especially, when it comes to the side effects. The plus side too, I am maintaining my weight. It felt good seeing my weight remain stable. With the lack of appetite I’ve had, the last handful of chemo treatments I’ve always been down in weight. So maintaining is good!

In the meantime of figuring out the next step for me, I would appreciate all the prayers and happy thoughts/vibes. In advance, thank you!

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

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IMMUNOTHERAPY HAPPENED…FINALLY!

A few things I’ve noticed that is already different from chemo:

1. No pump life! Bye-bye Peter the pump.
2. No pre-meds before immunotherapy.
3. SLEEP!
4. Appetite! It’s improving.
5. HAIR! It’s growing.
6. Energy! What is this…happy to have it somewhat back.

A week has gone by from having my 1st immunotherapy treatment. I have had days where I think, is this too good to be true? I am feeling good and it is hard not to think…how long will this “good feeling” last. I hope forever because the feeling I got while on chemo, I hated it. With chemo, you know you will have bad days. Days where you are feeling so fatigued that getting off the couch to go to the bathroom is difficult. Or feeling so sick to your stomach, nothing seems to be staying down. Or loosing your hair and eyebrows. Oh and your body changes so much you have to change-up your wardrobe with clothes that actually fit and not falling off of you. Or how nothing sounds good to eat, but you know you have to eat something so you force yourself. Now, the one about the clothes, yes shopping is fun and something I enjoy. Some of you may be thinking, that’s awesome! New clothes!  It is, but it also isn’t. Figuring out sizes can be challenging and ultimately it can become a stressful situation. Your body changes so much while battling cancer. One thing I have learned even before being diagnosed is that, feeling good in what you wear is key. Clothing helps someone feel good, have the confidence, and honestly who cares what others think. If you feel good and you are happy with what you are wearing, that is the only thing that matters. Figuring out what looks good and feels good on your skinny body, can be hard and a little defeated. I like to look at it as a fun challenge that can be difficult, but only if you make it that way!

I had one episode after immunotherapy where my stomach was acting up to the point I threw up…a lot. I am still dealing with stomach aches, but not as frequently. I am also still dealing with diarrhea, but not as much. Neuropathy comes and goes. It is mostly to my feet. Appetite has increased a little and I am happy about that. Energy has improved and in away, I feel like a whole new person. I know though, I still need to take things slow. I cannot over to it and I still need to be careful now that the flu/cold season is starting up. Even though it may sound like I am doing good, which I feel like I am…I still have to be careful. I still have cancer.

Which brings me to my next topic, cancer is such a mind game. It’s a game because it is so unknown. Not knowing if treatment will stop working. Not knowing when side effects will hit and how long will they last. Not knowing about the future. About life. Not knowing if I will be feeling good in 5 days. Something I have been learning and trying to really work on now that I am on immunotherapy and even on those chemo days where I felt “good” is to just do it. If that is going for a walk, getting dinner with a friend, going for a drive, baking…I need to just do it. In moderation of course because I have days where I really can’t. I do have those days where I know I can, but I don’t because I think about what could happen. Sometimes it can be embarrassing. It is a mind game that I need to snap out of. With chemo, you know what side effects will hit you, but you know it can be very unpredictable. It can just hit you at the most random times. For a little over a year, I have changed as a person. Physically and mentally. My world was completely flipped upside down. I have a hard time remembering how it feels to live a life without a life threatening disease interrupting it. I have a hard time picturing my future and what that will look like sometimes. I know it will be great though! It is life and we have to take it as it comes. At the end of the day, I am proud of what I have accomplished and will continue to accomplish during this journey. I am proud and blessed to have people in my life who are truly there for me and want this disease dead as much as I do. It is not easy and I sure have my dark days, but I am human. At the end, it will just make me stronger!

Highs and lows. Life gives you a lot of these. Our experiences can bring so much uncertainty and a constant reminder that there are no guarantees in this life. The uncertainty is hard to sit with. But, the highs and lows in our live’s, in my life will only make me and you a stronger person. The uncertainty and trails we face in life come down to being our experiences. Experiences that should be shared with other. Life isn’t perfect nor would I want it to be…it would be boring. I know I am doing the best I can and I know I can push myself more now that I feel like I have somewhat of a life back. So can you with whatever you are facing!

Treatment will be every three weeks so my blog posts may be a little more spread out, but of course I will not stop writing and sharing my story. You are more than welcome to follow my journey on Instagram as well. Username: AuggieJo.

I had a CT scan this past week to see where the status of my cancer is at. Currently, I am waiting for the results. Waiting game sucks. I feel really good about it though! CT update coming soon.

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

This round officially happened, but it wasn’t immunotherapy.

Second time immunotherapy has been canceled. Unfortunately, it was still because my insurance was denying one of the immunotherapy drugs. It blows my mind situations like this happen in the healthcare world. Insurance was denying to cover a drug that could work…it will work. I am confident it will work, but my insurance was being ridiculous. I’ve spoken with a couple of my cancer friends and this isn’t unusual. They too have had situations like this happen to them. WHY?????? It is so irritating and so frustrating.

Waiting game continued for three weeks…

Game plan – If immunotherapy wasn’t approved, I would go back to the chemo treatment I was previously on. That happened. The reason we stopped chemo was due to the toxicity. My side effects were getting worse. The treatment was working and that is great. It wasn’t ideal to go back on the chemo, but we also did not want to keep waiting to hear back and be at a stand still. I want to be ahead as much as possible, but that is difficult. Cancer is so unknown, unknown of what will happen at any minute of any day.  I’m over chemo, the pump life, and the horrible side effects. It’s brutal and something I hope no one has to face if they haven’t already. It is not fun. But…chemo is over.

Guess what? Monday was my last chemo treatment…I officially got word Friday, immunotherapy has officially been approved. YAY! I am so excited. I’ve heard way better things about immunotherapy, like the minimal side effects and going in every three weeks. I am looking forward to that. Maybe get back in the swing of things…like work. But, I am in no rush nor should I be in a rush. I’ve been battling for my life for a year now, have had 21 treatments, and continue too and will continue too even when you’re told you’re cancer free. It is a journey. It effects and attacks your whole body. It changes you physically, mental, emotional…really everything.

With a 3 week break, it was great and what I needed. My body needed a break from getting pumped with poison. Side effect have lingered, but are way more tolerable and it made this last round not too bad. I’ve felt more myself and was able to do a lot more. Plus, Get you Rear in Gear event was this last Saturday. I walked the whole thing. It was such a great event and I was so honored they asked me to speak at the opening ceremony. 1st time-sharing my story to a crowd of unfamiliar faces. It was a great experience and in a way therapeutic. It isn’t easy sharing and opening up about something personal to a big group of people, but stories need to be shared.

So share your story? At the end of the day, it will make an impact in someone’s life if you know it or not. It will!

For the walk, I want to THANK those who came out to walk beside me and for those who donated to the event. It meant so much to me and the Get your Rear in Gear community. As a team, we raised over $5,000 and as an event, over $23,000. Incredible!!! But, I couldn’t have done this without my supporters, my cheer squad. THANK YOU!!!

Immunotherapy will begin this Friday! Of course, starting anything new is nerve-racking especially in the cancer world. I wont go there though because this will work. Third times the charm. Right?

Let’s see how I do!

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

Yes, treatment was canceled again. This time, insurance got in the way. One of the immunotherapy drugs recently got FDA approved. Well, my insurance was not aware of this so they denied that particular drug. My team at the hospital are working on it. There is no reason for the denial. As of right now, we have rescheduled for this up coming Thursday. ANNOYING…

This is the life of a cancer patient. You never know what will happen. Anything can happen during this process and many bumps in the road. However, another week off means another week of healing from the side affects. I’ve been feeling good! The neuropathy in my feet have been bothering me at night. I have just been resting and getting out of the house more often now. With this extra week off, it does make me nervous. The reason why, it is another week off of treatment that will hopefully kill the cancer. Regardless, my numbers are looking good. I have also noticed my appetite is slowly coming back, but those damn mouth sores SUCK. I am dealing with a few right now.

Before knowing my treatment was canceled, nerves were kicking in the day before. Switching treatments up is a big deal. What could cause a switch in treatment plans could be due to your body stops responding. Meaning, tumors are growing instead of shrinking or staying stable. The other way is due to the toxicity of chemo could be too much for the body to handle. Meaning, the side effects. My neuropathy was sure kicking in, vomiting, huge appetite change, loosing weight, mouth sores, diarrhea, fatigue, ect. It was too much and I was getting sick of dealing with those side effects. That was the reason for the switched, my side effects were becoming too much. It is nerve-racking because of the unknown. You do not know how your body will take it, what will happen during the off weeks, or what side effects will I face. Each body is different and each person handles treatment differently. I am keeping a positive mind and a smile on my face. Third time’s the charm!

These extra weeks have sure been nice though!

The perks starting immunotherapy, I will no longer have the pump. Good-bye pump life and good-bye going in every other week. The immunotherapy I will be on is every 3 weeks. This will be a nice break from the hospital. Also, the side effects are very minimal. They are not like the side effect you can have during chemo. I am looking forward to that and hoping it all goes well!

My cancer friend Brittany touched on a subject I’ve been wanting to talk about and I liked what she had to say. The question that was brought up was, “What is one thing you want people to know about cancer that they may not know?” Good questions! I could probably write a novel in response to this question. I promise I won’t…or will I. What was brought up, was support during the journey. We all understand that life can get in the way and we all can get caught up in things. It’s life!

Battling cancer is not just a physical battle, it is a mental battle too. Sometimes the mental side can be worse than the physical. Sometimes we let that side come out more than the physical side. It is hard to see others struggle, especially when they are someone close to you. For me, I am the type that it is hard for me to see my family/friends see me in pain. Who does? I don’t want people to see me in pain. I don’t want to be in pain. This six letter word is scary and a very unknown journey. Me personally, my battle is unknown. I don’t know when I will be able to say I am NED (no evidence of disease). I feel good about it and hope for it every day. What isn’t unknown is the support your loved ones give you during this time. The support from your family/friends is so important. That is what counts the most.

If you have someone in your life battling cancer, just be there for them and support them. DO something for them! Don’t ask. By saying, “Let me know if there is anything I can do”, I will be honest…most people in my shoes including myself probably will never ask. Reason why, we don’t know what we need. So just DO something for them. We make enough decisions as is, sometimes it is nice to not have to make one. Sometimes it is nice to get a surprise. Communication is key on both ends as well. Be open with how you are feeling, regardless if it slaps you in the face. My cancer friend Marissa and I touched on the support subject, but also how we can feel alone at times. This could happen to anyone, but I would say it’s pretty bad in this situation. People go about their day and here we are, battling cancer. Life isn’t the same prior to being diagnosed. Who wishes their second home was a hospital? I know I wish it wasn’t for me. Life will not be the same once you are told you are NED. Any tragedy, life isn’t the same after. We go through a lot of changes and we can be in our head way too much. Any great excuse to get out of our heads, it a treat! Doing something for a friend battling whatever that may be will just make that person feel good. It will put a smile on their face for sure! That’s what we need, we need that push sometimes, we need tho feel loved, and we need to feel that support. Who doesn’t want that? So…DO something for them!

My cancer friend Brittany said it well, “So make sure to send love and prayers to someone you know going through this cause a pretty smile on social media doesn’t tell the whole story.” This blog doesn’t tell my “entire” store. Just be there for the person in need and DO something for them!

Two amazing ladies to follow on Instagram: Brittany (Ovarian cancer) and Marissa (Cervical cancer). These ladies are an inspiration! I’ve enjoyed connecting with them both and so will you. Username:_brittany_crosby_ and mar_jac.

Lastly, GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR is a week away. My friend Sydney and I will be wearing our royal blue tutus so come walk with us. Help us bring awareness to colon cancer and early screening. You can join the team and donate or just donate. Thank you to everyone who has supported our team thus far and for those who continue too. Love the support! THANK YOU!!! I greatly appreciate it along with the Get Your Rear in Gear community. Also, want to hear me speak? Yeah…it is happening next Saturday at the opening ceremony!!! See you there! #TeamAuggie

http://join.coloncancercoalition.org/site/TR/GYRIG/GYRIGEvents-2018?team_id=38840&pg=team&fr_id=3728

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

It is weird writing the word “cancel” instead of “postpone” in relation to chemo . I mean postpone kind of works, but that always related to my neutrophils were too low to proceed. This time, it is for a different reason. My numbers are still in a good spot and we are still moving in the right direction. My treatment today was canceled because we are changing things up!

Lets talk about the toxicity. This chemo I’ve been on for the last 11 rounds has been difficult. Mouth sores, neuropathy, peeling skin on hands/feet, diarrhea, nausea, throwing up, lack of appetite…it is not fun at all. The toxicity is becoming too much and my Dr. does not want it to get worse nor do I. Some people can stay on this type of treatment I’ve been on for many treatments. Way more than what I have gone through. But, the world of cancer, everyone’s story is different and the side effects can be different too. With the toxicity becoming harder to handle, we are changing things up.

I will be starting immunotherapy next week! I get an extra week off. Woohoo!!!

This new plan will give me more time away from the hospital. Right now, I go in every other week to have chemo and then, I take a pump home for 46 hours. It’s a lot and it can be draining doing the same thing over and over again. Especially, when it is something you do not want to do. Not anymore. Good bye pump life and the side effects I’ve been dealing with. Now, I will have treatment every 3 weeks. Side effects are still there, but not as crazy as the side effects you get from chemo.  Plus, I hope I will be able to get back to having “normal” weeks. We will see!

Of course I am nervous to start this new plan. Who wouldn’t be! The chemo I have been on is working for me and I have been responding. The side effects are just getting worse. Changing things up is nerve-racking because it is unknown what will happen. Will my body respond correctly? Will this treatment work? Will it continue to shrink my tumors? Could this treatment plan be my saving grace? I don’t know, but we will see. I have confidence and I am feeling really good about this. You guys are on this journey with me, so both feet forward and so much positivity!!!

I am looking forward to not having the side effects that you get from being on chemo. I am also looking forward to fewer trips to the hospital and more time enjoy life. One thing my brother mentioned as we were walking out…Audrey, what will you do with your fanny pack? Well, maybe I will still rock the fanny pack…not sure yet!

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

All I have to say is…CAN I BE DONE?

Honestly, I don’t think that is too much to ask for. Right? I mean it is just cancer.

Anyways, round 20 is in the bag and I have had my ups and downs with this round. I would like to think more ups. Thursday after chemo, I got home and started eating a cheese burger. I was craving one…well that ended quickly. Half way through, my stomach was not feeling too good and next moment that half of the cheese burger I ate ended up in the sink that day. The day after, couldn’t really keep anything down. My stomach was acting up, I threw up a couple of times and nothing was settling in my stomach. Mouth sores are the worse. A good old popsicle is my best friend! 🙂 It is hard to eat when you have them and nothing sounds good because your mouth hurts ever time you eat. Diarrhea hasn’t been too bad. Thank goodness! Neuropathy is kicking in. More of the pealing of the skin to my hands and feet. A little numbness to my finger tips and toes. By Sunday afternoon, I was feeling good. I was able to eat and keep it down. Plus I got out of the house. My appetite isn’t the best. What I mean is that I do not have a very big appetite, but I try to eat small meals throughout the day.

People, this cancer life is not fun nor a walk in the park. But, my tumors are shrinking!

The unknowns are horrible. Not knowing when side effects will hit. Not knowing if I will wake up feeling good (9 out of 10 times, I wake up feeling good). Not knowing if I will be able to make my plans for the day work. Oh and not knowing if I will have an episode while in the car and thinking to yourself, will I have to pull over or is there somewhere I can pull over. Let’s just say many unknowns in the world of cancer. The BIG ONE, the unknown of life. I know….dark moment right here. Sorry not sorry because this is a fact. I wont say all, but majority of cancer patients think about this. Unfortunately, it is something I think about, not a lot, but I have my moments. I usually brush it off because I know I will beat this thing. But, it is also hard not to think about that. It really is reality. To think about how much longer I have to live. WOW. I am 28 now (Birthday was on the 27th) and I think to myself I have so much life to live. I feel like I was put on this earth to live a long fulfilled life. Hahaha But, really! I do feel that way. So when I do think about my life with cancer, I try my best to picture the good and always remember the good. Easier said than done, right? I like to think the majority of the time I am a positive person so I like to think positive!!! But, I am human and unfortunately the negative tends to stick out more than we all would like sometimes. That positive things sometimes likes to stick out more and we need to hold on to those moments.

This week is a BIG week. My birthday was on Monday and my brother’s birthday was yesterday. Happy Birthday Bro!

Oh and I am typing this in the middle of the night because I cannot sleep. 🙂 So it is very earlier in the morning on Monday! Hahaha

Today…is the one year anniversary of my dad passing! It was about two weeks after I went in for my unexpected surgery. I cannot believe it has been a year. Where does the time go people? My family and I got hit with not only finding out I have cancer to my dad died. My dad was such an incredible man. He would light up the room with his personality and caring self. He never left anyone out and had such a huge heart. He was a man who would literally give his shirt off his back to someone who needed it. He loved to entertain and cook. I was sure a daddy’s little girl and I would give anything to have him back with me. I remember being in the hospital recovering from surgery and I wasn’t in a good mood this one particular day. I wanted out of the hospital so bad, but I was still in a lot of pain, plus I still hadn’t 💩. You’re welcome for that! Anyways, my dad was at the hospital everyday, but not every night. I would not allow it because he snored and I already had too many noises going on in that room. I just wanted sleep. But, this particular day my dad said something that did not sit right with me. I am not sure what it was. I asked him to leave though and go home. 😳 Did I really tell my dad to leave…yes I did because we needed some separation. Love my dad to pieces, but I needed a little time a part. Hahaha But, I was his little girl who was laying in a hospital bed not able to do much. I understand. He did not stay that night and if I remember correctly, I got a really good night sleep. Hahahaha

Today though, we will be celebrating him and the incredible person he was. I miss him everyday, but I know I have one amazing angle watching out for me…I have a couple pretty special people looking out for me above.

Also, GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR!!! Colon cancer walk is coming up. September 22nd! So soon. I would appreciate any and all contributions. If that is joining the team by signed up using the link below or donating. If you know you want to do the walk….PLEASE SIGN UP. Whichever way it may be, thank you so much and I appreciate it so so so much!!!

http://join.coloncancercoalition.org/site/TR/GYRIG/GYRIGEvents-2018?team_id=38840&pg=team&fr_id=3728

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR!!! 💙

Hey guys! I just wanted to make a quick post about a super fun and exciting event coming up next month. I have created a team. #TeamAuggie!!! If you would like to support in a way of donation and/or joining the team and having a BLAST with me and my peeps, I would forever be thankful for your support in whatever way that may be. My goal is to help bring awareness to something that has tormented so many lives including mine at 27, 26 when I was diagnosed. I would LOVE and APPRECIATE all the support in this walk.

Link: http://join.coloncancercoalition.org/site/TR/GYRIG/GYRIGEvents-2018?team_id=38840&pg=team&fr_id=3728

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

I was just reflected on these last 12 months. I’ve gone through 19 chemo treatments (4 were postponed due to my neutrophils), one unexpected surgery (one more in the future), many needle pokes, two different treatment plans…let me just say, the list goes on.

Today, August 17th, a big day for me. Who am I kidding, this month and next month both have some big days. Days that will bring happiness and excitement, but also some will bring bitter-sweet memories. This day in particular is my 1 year anniversary of having my unexpected surgery and finding out I have cancer at 26 years old…10 days before my golden birthday. That will be one of the days I will never get out of my head. Thinking you are going in due to having a bladder infection…to hearing you need to have your appendix removed ASAP…to a 4 hour surgery later…and then, to hear my dad explain to me it wasn’t my appendix, it was a tumor. WHAT…I have cancer. When my dad told me, I just cried. I couldn’t tell you when exactly I found out after coming out of surgery. It could have been minutes or even hours. I do remember my nurse came running in because my blood pressure went from normal to very high within seconds. She told me that once I became her patient, she has been praying for me none stop. We do have amazing people out there and I loved all my nurses!

August 27th, my BIRTHDAY! It is weird to think the whole time I have been 27, I’ve been battling cancer. I ended the year of being 26 with cancer and I started both years of being 27 and soon 28 still battling cancer. WEIRD! That does not concern me because I have something huge to celebrate in a couple of weeks and that is my LIFE. Another year of living. Birthdays have been something my family always celebrates, nothing big like when you were a child, but we would always do something, Throw cancer into the mix…your birthday is HUGE. To me, it really means another year of living. Which is a big deal! Now, it has not been a “walk in the park”, a lot has changed in my life within this last year. When you find out you have cancer, your world is completely turned upside down x1000. Your life changes…completely.

September 2nd,  my brother’s birthday! My brother is my full-time caregiver, my rock. I could not thank him enough for all he has done for me. Being a caregiver isn’t easy, I am sure sometimes it can feel like working two jobs. As someone who is battling cancer, the things my brother has helped me with, he has been a trooper. He has gone to ever chemo and pretty much every doctors appointment with me. The nurses love us! And let’s be honestly, he drives me crazy and bugs me at times…I am sure he feels the same way! 😉 Love you Tim!!!

September 3rd, the anniversary of my dad’s life. This was another day myself and my family did not see coming. I wont get into the details of that night, but my dad had a pulmonary embolism. WOW. I felt like I was barely out of the hospital post surgery when this happened. I remember saying good night to my dad and we both headed to bed until I was woken up by a very loud noise. My dad and I had a very special relationship. He was a man who if you knew him, you would instantly love him and enjoy any type of conversation you had with him. He was an entertainer who loved to host a dinner party, enjoyed dancing, and unfortunately singing. Funny story, growing up my dad would tell my friends NSYNC and Backstreet Boys offered him a deal to join the group, but my dad would always decline because his voice was too good. It wasn’t! Lol

Chemo 19, in the bag. Done…Complete…Check that box. This round hasn’t been too bad, I’ve been able to do more and especially, I’ve been able to get out of the house and live a little. The worst though, the side effects can hit you when you least expect it. One minute you could be feeling so good and within seconds you are not doing too good. You just have to roll with the punches. The worst is when you are out. Neuropathy wasn’t too bad this round, It mostly hit over the weekend and by Monday it was getting better. First night after chemo at the hospital was a little difficult. Woke up getting sick in the middle of the night…not fun. Luckily, I haven’t had too many stomach aches, but I have also been a little constipated.

Oh and this pump life I’ve been living every other week…I am getting sick of it. I am so annoyed with it. I don’t want to do anything when I have the pump. All I want to do is sleep. I don’t feel good when I have it. I cannot shower/take a bath. I have to be extra careful when sleeping. Ugh…it is not fun and I am getting to the point I am so over it. I am just hoping and prayed soon the pump life will be over, I want it to be so bad.

This thing called cancer is so draining. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. There are so many days I wish I can go back in time and wipe clean of all of this. But, than I think about what cancer has brought me. It has brought me some great friends! Friendships that are new and friendships that have come back into my life. It has taught me how freaked strong and brave I am. It has taught me to rely on others and that I cannot do everything myself. Sometimes I need to step back and know it is okay if there is something I cannot do, to just ask. I like to think the positives outweigh the negatives in this situation. You just have to enjoy the little things in life.

Chemo 20 is next Thursday! I got this… 👊🏻

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

It is hard for me to believe I have had eighteen rounds of chemo…Wow and it hasn’t been the same type this whole time. The first treatment I was on, my body stopped responding to it and tumors appeared after 9 treatments. Switched up treatment to something different and my body has been responding! Woohoo

Oh man it feels good! This treatment I have been on the last 9 rounds has been hard and difficult. Physically and mentally. But, knowing I am responding to the treatment, is amazing. This last round, side effects were neuropathy and mouth sores. I have not experienced neuropathy like I have the last two rounds. Not fun. It has been lasting for 3-4 day after chemo. My feet felt like they were sun burn and hurt to walk. My hands were red, peeling, and sore to the point it was hard to grip anything or even make a fist. Lots and lots of lotion. The mouth sores I got made it uncomfortable to chew. So I mostly stuck to liquids that were packed with all good things for your body because solid food wasn’t happening. At least for 1 day it was pretty bad. Other than that, feeling good! Plus it was cooler outside this round so that may have helped!

I feel like I need to be more real with you guys! Real about my feelings with my life outside of the hospital walls…I’ve talked a lot about everything, I guess. But, I feel like I need to be a little more raw, get more off my chest.

I am opening up with you guys on this post. Maybe I am using this post as a nice venting session about myself…I don’t know. We will see where this takes us. I do want you to know, I am speaking for myself and only myself. I don’t know if others who have or are battled cancer feel the same way…or if I am in my own world and maybe a little crazy. Lol…I don’t know.

BUT, let me talk about life in general when I am not in the hospital getting poked and getting pumped with grossness. Let’s talk about feelings, my feelings. Despite all the feelings I feel while battling cancer, I feel those feelings in everyday life too. I feel like your feeling hit you way harder when battling cancer. We all have feelings, but for me I feel like cancer enhances my feelings. What I mean is that I feel more sensitive at even the little things. I feel like I get disappointed easily, irritated easily, annoyed easily, frustrated easily, sad easily…I feel like the list can go on and on. Honestly, I am irritated that I let myself feel those things, but I remind myself I have cancer and I am going through so much and I am human and a lot of the time I just cannot control it.

With having cancer, being disappointed/irritated is big and can happen a lot. You get bad news about your scan or blood work….instant disappointment and irritation. With life outside of the hospital, I feel like I get disappointed easily when it comes to everyday life. What I mean is when things don’t go as planned. Shocker and…oh Audrey, that’s life! I know, but throw cancer into the mix, it really changes things. It changes things because your life is not the same like it was before cancer came into the picture. Plans to either meet up with someone or do something for myself, like a mani/pedi and it gets cancelled or something comes up…😭. Maybe it got cancelled because my unpredictable side effects or something came up on their end or maybe my end. It’s life, things happens and sometimes we cannot control it!!! We have to just roll with the punches. With me though, I feel too sensitive and I get to the point when it turns into me being disappointed at those moments because 1: I cannot control the situation and make it so it always works out 🙂 (I am a Virgo) and 2: All I want is to be able to enjoy life with the people I care about and do the things I love to do when I can. Now, I just explained something no one can really control because that is LIFE and it is, just life. But, when battling cancer, those moments when I am feeling good and I am out doing things that make me feel somewhat normal and makes me happy, I cherish those times and I just want more of those days. Not too much to ask, right? Lol And when those plans do not happen, I do get disappointed and I can get irritated…it is only because I just want to get out of the house and live a little! I just want this cancer to go bye bye.

I know what you are thinking though, Audrey everyone deals with those things with or without cancer. But, guys this is different…at least for me. Chemo can really put a damper of a lot of things, like living life how you want to live it. This chemo I have been on for the last 9 treatments has really hit me a lot differently than the first type of chemo I was on. Way more fatigued, stomach cramps and aches, diarrhea, my hair really thinning to the point I shaved it off (no regrets), neuropathy to my hands and feet, mouth sores, throwing up in the middle of the night, appetite is very different, losing more weight than the first treatment, the concept of eat doesn’t sound fun…unfortunately with this treatment I’ve had way more side effects then the first treatment I was on. The first type of chemo I had 9 rounds of that and I felt like I bounced back quick and I was able to do a lot more. This treatment I’ve been on, has me staying home more and resting.

Moral of my story here and like I have been saying…IT IS LIFE!!! Take it one day at a time and I just have to do the best I can. Push yourself a little more to get to the point of feeling good. Life is far from perfect, we (I) just need to make it the best we (I) can. I have always been a positive person. I have always looked at the good more than the bad with people and every day stuff. I have also always looked at the glass half full, never half empty. But, I am human, I have cancer, and I have those not so fun days. It happens! I just need to cherish and enjoy those good days when I am doing the things I love with the people I care about!

Side note – PLEASE do not take this the wrong way or be mad at me for saying this!!! 😁 I appreciate all the love and the support I get. It means so much. I just need to put this out there because I get asked this question A LOT. I mean A LOT. Honestly, it is not a question I like to be asked and it is not a question I like to answer.

Question: How many more treatments do you have?

Answer: I have no idea.

If I did, of course I would shout it out to the world because I would be so excited that I am officially done. But, I am not and I don’t know when that will be. I am staying positive because I know that day will come. I would though, appreciate that I don’t get asked that question. When I know, I will for sure write about it and share it with you all. Until that time, chemo keep shrinking those tumors. Please!

Chemo #19 is schedule today (8/9)! CT scan was completed on Tuesday (8/7) and the results are in. Drum roll please……………

MY TUMORS ARE SHRINKING!!! OMG, this treatment is working you guys. With all the shit you go through when battling cancer, get this kind of news is amazing!!!!!!!!!!

Cancer…you are messing with the wrong girl!

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

Chemo #17 is in the books. If only this related to something like I tasted 17 flavors of ice-cream instead of relating to chemo. LOL Who’s with me?

It is my off week and today I am feeling good, but slightly tired! Now, the three days after chemo…different story. This round my neuropathy really kicked in more than I have every felt it before. My hands and feet were hurting. Numbness, tingling, cracking of the skin…it wasn’t fun, but luckily it has improved. All I wanted was a foot and hand message to make it go away. My feet felt like I had a really bad sunburn and it wasn’t fun walking. My hands were red and at one point, it was hard to open up something with a cap. Lots of lotion to prevent anymore cracking. Also, fatigue hit me hard. I slept most of the day Friday and Saturday. Now, I am not complaining about sleeping because I would rather sleep than feel nauseous, have a bad stomach ache, diarrhea, throwing up…I mean with chemo, the side effects could be anything. But, today I am feeling good!

I did a big thing over the weekend that as a female, it is a BIG DEAL. I shaved my head. With having cancer, sometimes you do not have the opportunity to keep your hair. This was my choice, but it was also time. My hair was so thin, I had bald spots, and it got to the point it just wasn’t me anymore. My hair prior to chemo was me. I loved styling it, getting pampered at the hair salon, playing with color, playing with different hair cuts…my hair was me and I loved it! BUT, I am embracing the bald head. I will have fun with wigs and fun head accessories. I will make my bald head ME. Of course I shed a couple of tears, but the tears were not sad tears…they were tears of a new beginning in this journey I’ve been on since August. It’s only uphill from here! Plus, hair does not define who we are, we do!

All my numbers were great this round! Tumor marker remained the same, at a 2.8. Remaining the same it fine! Of course, I want to hear that it has shrunk, but remaining the same and not growing is okay with me. My neutrophils were great as well! Something I have been struggling with lately is my weight. I keep loosing weight so it’s finding the foods that sound good to me. I met with a nutritionist who told me what I have been doing seems to be good, but to add more calories and fats….so lots and lots of ice-cream. Right!?!

Let’s talk about life after cancer. Now, I am clearly no expert on this, but I know I will be one day. In the mean time, let me share some things my friend Sydney and I talked about. But, first a little background about how Sydney and I connected…

* We met on Instagram!

* We both are battling colon cancer (Sydney had her last chemo this past Friday. I am so excited for her and what this new life with bring.) Woohoo!!!

* We live in the same state and live very close to each other!!! Crazy

There were times we both had chemo the same day (different hospitals) and we also have the same fanny pack that holds this amazing little machine that likes to pump this nasty drug called chemo into your body for 46 hours. Fun! Friday, was Sydney’s LAST CHEMO. No more. Ummm crazy and exciting all at the same time. The first thing I asked her was, “How are you feeling?” Having cancer, your world is flipped upside down. The life you had before cancer, won’t be your life after cancer. Her response was, “It feels surreal”. Sydney has been battling this since September and she explained how so much has happened in that time. So true! The routine SUCKS. Getting poked in your chest…isn’t the best feeling. Blood draws. CT scans. Waiting game is horrible. Drinking nasty stuff. Anxiety. Body changes. Side effects. Sydney went through 12 treatments and she told me she is so done with this cancer stuff. Me too!!! It’s draining. It consumes your life. I’ve caught myself saying I want my old life back and Sydney has said the same thing. But, we have talked about how we have changed so much…what is “your old life” anymore? We talked about how we will never get our old lives back, but what we will get is an even better life and we will be unstoppable! Some people say life after cancer is hard, but Sydney and I feel that is seriously impossible to image. You go through so much hell while battling cancer, how could life after cancer be hard? Yes, after cancer you are monitored like crazy and I am sure the day of a 3 month scan happens…anxiety to the extreme occurs. But, life after cancer seems it should be something special, something amazing! A freeing feeling. Regardless, I am excited for that day!!! I am excited for my friend Sydney and other wonderful people I have met along the way.

I mentioned how the routine sucks. It does. It is draining. I go in every other week to do the same thing every other Thursdays. Pee in a cup, get a needle put into my chest, fill three tubes with blood, meet with my Dr., get the okay to have chemo, go over to infusion, answer a bunch of questions, get pre-meds, get chemo, go home with the pump for 46hrs, go back on Saturday to get the pump off, get that needle out of my chest, get a G shot, and go home to rest. It is draining. The Wednesday before chemo isn’t my favorite. That day is when I am feeling so good to the point where I can concur the world…not really! But, then I realize I have chemo tomorrow. BUMMER. It is was it is. But, this kind of routine is draining. This isnt forever for me though and it wont be forever for you either! 👍🏻

Cancer can take a lot from us. As someone going through cancer, it takes away your motivation, your hair, patience, self-love, energy, stamina, the opportunity to just live life…As someone who is a caregiver, it takes away loved ones, it gives a different perspective of life, it causes stress knowing the unknown about the life of someone you love. Cancer also gives you anxiety, fear of the unknown, insecurities, chemo brain, and doubt. However…hope, thoughtfulness, strength, positivity, perseverance are some of the words I think about daily. Positive attitude and staying as stress free as possible is so important…during this time it is important to really take care of yourself and your health. I know I talk about this a lot, but PEOPLE it is so important.

This cancer thing isn’t fun. What is fun is when I am feeling good to the point I can get out of the house and enjoy life a little. Now, that is fun!!!

Just a friendly reminder…I would love all the support I can get to bring awareness and to raise money to dominate cancer!!! #TeamAuggie

http://join.coloncancercoalition.org/site/TR/GYRIG/GYRIGEvents-2018?team_id=38840&pg=team&fr_id=3728

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey