Well, things are finally moving forward – in some way! This period of time in my cancer journey has been a difficult one. The liver complication from the immunotherapy took a toll on me. Personally, this has been a really hard time – emotionally, mentally, and physically. I like to think when this passes and gets resolved, it will all be smooth sailing for me. All my fingers and toes are crossed for that! 😉 I know it will be. I’ve learned and continue to learn a lot about battling this stupid thing. Unfortunately, there isn’t a book to tell you exactly how to do it. Plus, during this time I have learned a lot about ME! Who I am and who I have become throughout this time. There has been a change, I feel it. Especially, during this time of getting my body back to fighting shape. I know change will continue to happen. I know there will continue to be bumps in the road, right now I just want to get past this one.
The liver complication is still slowly getting resolved. Did I think when this hit me back in December, I would still be dealing with it in April? Honestly, I could not tell you. It is so unpredictable. We all thought it would have been resolved at the beginning of the year, but here I am. Yes, this liver complication has taken longer than my team and I thought it would. It should have been resolved and I should have had my original surgery back in January, but that did not happen. Now, I am going on 5 months with no treatment, but who really is counting. Hahaha In the world of cancer, you never really know. There always seems to be that BIG question mark. Things are improving though and I will get back to that!
With surgery being postponed a couple of times now, I am starting to think things are happening for a reason. Maybe it was meant to be. Meant to be that surgery did not happen when it was supposed to.
The big topic of discussion – SURGERY. That is the BIG PLAN for me and will continue to be. Right now, my team and I have decided to not schedule nor think a whole lot about surgery until my liver enzymes are back to normal. So – yes I will have the surgery, but not exactly sure when that will be.
The wait continues…
The Standstill – It has been driving me crazy. It is so frustrating to feel “stuck” and not know exactly when something is going to budge. I want control and I’ve been feeling like I do not have it. I want to kill this cancer and be done with it. Say, bye bye! This damn complication from the immunotherapy has really messed things up. Being off treatment for this long due to a complication and not due to something exciting isn’t enjoyable. It is horrible…I’ve been getting too much in my dang head. Hard not too.
The Medication – Prednisone is horrible. The dang stuff helps so much though. I have a HUGE love/hate relationship for this stuff and I know many can relate. Feeling very disconnected. Very not myself. I’ve been all over the place when it comes to the dose I have been on. It has truly been a rollercoaster of craziness and emotion. For me, January was supposed to be my surgery. But, I am waiting. Waiting for this liver to improve so I can have this surgery. This standstill has been insane. But like I said, maybe it was meant to be.
THE GOOD STUFF – My liver enzymes keep improving and are looking better than they did back in December. Huge improvement!! With this process, I have to take it slow so my body reacts the way it needs to. I have not started the taper process of the prednisone and may not for a few weeks. Making sure my liver enzymes stay in a good and normal spot for a while. I did attempt to taper off the medication before, but my liver enzymes spiked and I had to up my dosage again. After that had happened, we decided to take things very slow. There is improvement every week though! The goal is for me to be off this stuff before moving forward with surgery. I should very soon!
My appetite and weight both are improving! I am happy with this. My poor body.
My CT results from the other week came back looking great! The one concerning spot that we all believe to be on my right ovary has been RESOLVED. Ummm okay! 🙂 YAY!!! I was a little shocked when my doctor told me this, he may have been too. Lol But, overly excited and he was too. Nothing new and nothing grew. I should say, there was a tiny tiny nodule on my lung that popped up in this last CT scan, but my doctor is not concerned about it.
What is next?
With surgery not happening at the moment, I will be returning to chemo tomorrow, April 12th. Peter the pump is making his comeback with the fanny pack! I will be returning to the chemo I was on prior to starting immunotherapy. The reason for why I stopped that treatment plan was due to the toxicity and the immunotherapy was just getting FDA approved at that time. I have been off that treatment for a long time now so I feel along with my team it may not be too bad when it comes to the side effects. With stage 4 cancer and my family history, there is no messing around. That is the frustrating part. The UNKNOWN. With starting chemo, it does give me a peace of mind in away that while I am waiting for this liver complication to get resolved, the chemo is either going to keep things as is or improve whatever else needs to be improved inside my body. So a little bit a of standstill is coming to an end for me and with the chemo, it really is to just keep things at bay until I get the thumps up I can move forward with surgery.
So chemo tomorrow. 👍🏻