No surgery for me. There is no countdown going on anymore – at least for now. I had a completely different blog post I was working on and getting ready to post it, but not happening. Funny, how things change.
Nope, not frustrating at the least. Not annoyed or emotional. Thought the 4th time would be the charm, maybe the 5th? I’ve just been over here preparing for something HUGE and LIFE changing for my life. Not a big deal. Oh how bad I want this cancer gone and how bad I want to move on from this. Something I felt so ready for…finally. The liver issue has been resolved, my cancer is keeping at bay, and I am in a much better place with the body and mind to move forward. My plan moving forward was surgery though. WTF. Surgery is not happening on the 13th of August like I thought it would; like all you did too. No, it is not happening and most of all, it isn’t because of me or my health stopping it. Yay for that! Or even insurance. It is a lack of communication and organization on the hospital side. I thought my surgery was all good to go mid June when it was schedule, so I thought. But, it was not schedule, so I am being told.
I do not have any additional information other than the bit I just shared above. I have a follow up with my surgeon soon to discuss everything that has been going on the last several months that prevented me from having this surgery three other times. Hopefully, I will get clarification and answers. Discuss the potential of surgery, I hope, or just get a good game plan in place. I don’t have one right now and it is beyond frustrating. My game plan was my surgery on the 13th. I have no idea what this meeting will bring. The wait along with the unknown continues for me and it sucks.
Fuck cancer – this world is not fun. A lot of dark days pass by. A lot of tears. A lot of lonely and quiet times. A lot of let downs. A lot of WHY ME moments go through my mind. Even the thought – “why am I living, why am I here” goes through my head. However, you learn a lot, I have learned a lot. I have learned a lot about MYSELF and the person who I have always been and the person who I want to become. I have learned a lot about support and what that looks like through my support system. I have learned a lot about life and how to live it with an illness; how to overcome what you think you cannot. What to put up with and what not to put up with. I am still learning all of this and will never stop learning. I have learned what is really important in my life and what really isn’t or what isn’t the best or the most fulfilling for me. I have learned we are NEVER too busy in life. This cancer journey is very life changing in so many ways. Good and bad. Something I have been taking time to learn to put myself first and to really focus on my wants and needs. This is my journey, my cancer, and my life. I am my biggest advocate for my life – you are yours!
I have way better news to share because that is what I need to and should be focusing on (it is a struggle)…my CT scan results! All came back looking amazing. Giving myself a HUGE pat on the back because thank you to my body for staying strong and determined to bounce back. The remaining little devils inside me haven’t grown nor any new ones showing up! Nothing is changing. Very happy to hear this news for sure!
For surgery, a blog post will follow whenever that happens. In the meantime, I am just trying to stay positive!
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