Happy Thursday everyone! 

Chemo #16 is in the books. My off week wasn’t too bad. To be honest, there were a few moments I felt like my old self. That sure felt good! 

Stomach aches/cramps no matter what come and go. They’re not fun…always leads to diarrhea :(…it hasn’t been too bad this round. The shitty part about having cancer, not knowing when your side effects will kick in. It can be hard to make plans sometimes. Plus, when you are feeling good and you know you have chemo tomorrow…hard life because you will not be feeling so good the next couple days…not a fan of this life. Energy has improved, but I still have my days that all I want to do is stay in bed. Chemo brain sucks. I have more of an appetite these days!!! That makes me happy.

CT scan update…2 out of 3 tumors have SHRUNK! Woohoo. You guys, this is so excited and such a relief to know I AM RESPONDING TO TREATMENT. Sorry I didn’t post this sooner. My doctor’s words on the phone were, “Things are looking great and there is a great improvement”! The 3rd tumor has remained the same. Which is fine. That stupid fluid sack still remains as is. All good news! Let’s keep this good news coming though!!! My tumor marker is also in the low 4’s. Woohoo!!!

Next steps…I’ll have three more treatments and another CT scan after. The waiting game continues…although I am so happy with the results thus far. 

I have not shared this yet and I think it’s time to! There is a colon cancer walk/run coming up this September! I have created a team, #TeamAuggie and I am so excited to help raise awareness and money for colon cancer research. The age to get a colonoscopy has lowered recently and I am so happy it has. Cancer is becoming more common in young adults. It is insane that all screenings out there to help prevent this kind of stuff isn’t required until later on. It blows my mind. Hopefully, this will trigger the age of other screenings to low as well. 👍🏻

For the walk…if you would like to support in a way of donation and/or joining the team and having a BLAST, I would forever be thankful for your support in whatever way that may be. My goal is to help bring awareness to something that has tormented so many lives including mine at 27, 26 when I was diagnosed. I would love and appreciate all the support in this walk.

In advance, THANK YOU AND LOVE YOU GUYS LOTS!!!

Link:

http://join.coloncancercoalition.org/site/TR/GYRIG/GYRIGEvents-2018?team_id=38840&pg=team&fr_id=3728

This blog post is getting wrapped up as I am sitting here resting from having chemo #17 today! Tummy was acting up, but we are all good now!!!

PLUS, TUMOR MARKER IS DOWN TO 2.3!!! 😁

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey 

I had a hard time starting this post. I know what I wanted to write about, but for some reason it has been difficult getting it out. Writers block with a mixture of chemo brain…not a good combo. Hahaha Let’s see where this goes.

Let’s start with the GOOD NEWS! Yes, I have good news. Chemo last Thursday, all my numbers looked great. The best news we received is that my tumor marker is lower. It went from 15 to 8!!! Now, I’ve mentioned this before, the tumor marker is something we cannot fully rely on, but with it decreasing is such a good sign regardless. I go in tomorrow (6/7) to get a CT scan done to see where the three tumors are at and especially see what this fluid sack is doing. Hopefully, the sack went bye-bye! So stay tuned for that update!

Thinking about it…I’m a little blown away that I am going on 10 months of battling this thing called cancer. Sitting here thinking back in the last 10 months blows my mind with all that I have been through. Can I just skip all of this and just go straight to being cancer free? 🙂 Can we all battling this stupid thing all just fast forward!?! I think about all the hospital bracelets I’ve worn, all the blood taken out of my body (😳), treatments, office visits, peeing in a cup (🤣), CT scans, getting bad news, shots, hair thinning, body changing…the list can go on. BUT, lets not think too much about all that stuff. I try my best to stay as positive as I can, but people…I am human. We are all human. It’s okay to have a not so good day and to really feel it. LET IT OUT. I do…I could be better though. I’m the type that puts on a brave face. It can be hard to show that side to others, but through this process I have learned it’s okay not to be okay. And it is okay to have those days around whoever you are with. I’ve had full on crying seasons in public before, it happens! At the end of the day, as long as you are laughing…that is all that matters! Surrounding yourself with people who can uplift you is so key. When I am feeling good, I love getting out of the house. Spend time with friends catching up and spending time with the family. Those little things, make me feel somewhat normal and makes me feel good!

So far, my side effects haven’t been too bad this round. Still dealing with fatigue, stomach aches, diarrhea, and I have gotten sick. Okay, doesn’t sound fun, but this last cycle, my side effects seems to be a little less crazy. 🤞🏻My energy comes and goes. I do get neuropathy sometimes in my left hand and foot. Seems to not hit the right side yet. Regardless, I feel good this round and that makes me happy! I am still getting the G shot to boost my white blood cells after every chemo. We tried to get rid of the shot, but without the shot, my white blood cells always drop. It is what it is!

Something I forgot about, June 3rd was “National Cancer Survivors Day! Cheers to all the survivors out there!!! 🙌🏻 I may not be done with my fight, but I am getting it done and I am WINNING. Cancer has taken a lot from me, but it has also giving me friendships with people I would’ve never met otherwise. Plus, I have reconnected with people I haven’t talked to in years. It has given me strength I didn’t know I had. Courage to share my store with you all. And a deep appreciation for every little thing, that includes…MY LIFE. Health will always be my #1, but never forget to enjoy life when you can. It is easy to get into a dark hole (depression/anxiety) while battling cancer, but don’t let yourself get there. I try my best not to get to that place. But, I am human. Surrounding yourself with things you love and people who brighten up your day is so important.

I decided to take this post to a different level and turn it into “Fun Facts” about ME! This way, if we have never met…you know a little about me.

– I am the baby of the family! And daddy’s little girl through and through.

– My step sister and I have the same birthday. We are ten years apart.

– I’ve travelled out of the country to Italy, Norway, and Denmark. My top places I would love to visit would be either Spain or Greece… Or both!

– I HATE snakes.

– I didn’t color my hair EVER until I was a sophomore in college. I took my beautiful natural blonde hair and went dark brunette. Lasted for a good year and went back to being blonde.

– I have one tattoo. (Planning to get another one)

– I got my noise pierced in college and didn’t tell my family until I came home to visit.

– Sport of choice I played was tennis. Played soccer for a couple of years, but tennis was my life and I loved it. Would like to get back into it! My dad and I played in a USTA mix doubles tournament when I was 15. We came in 2nd place!!!

– My mom packed my lunch everyday for school!

– I enjoy watching baseball either on TV or in person. In person is way more fun!

– I played the viola for 7 years.

– I had a quad growing up…Got in trouble a couple of times.

– My first car was a black Jetta. I loved that car. It got totaled my sophomore year in college. Arizona one day had a horrible hail storm. Let’s just say my car looked like a golf ball. Lol

– Speaking of golf….way better at driving the cart!

– I spoke in front of 300ish people at a Relay for Life event my junior year of college and shared my story! That was a great accomplishment.

I think that may be enough sharing for one post!

I would like to thank everyone out there who have been following my journey. My friends and family…THANK YOU! I would love to give shout outs to so many people and explain how each person has impacted my life during the last 10 months…I’m happy to say that is too many people to list, but please just know I am very thankful and appreciative of all my supporters, friends, and family! THANK YOU!

Stay tuned for my next post! Crossing my fingers and doing all I can to get great results.

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

 

 

My schedule is a little off this week so I apologize for hopefully not writing a completely random post.  I was supposed to have chemo Thursday, May 10th, but I had a girls staycation planned for May 11th-14th. I WAS NOT GOING TO MISS IT. I’ve missed a couple of trips already so this one needed to happen.

Pushed chemo back and had my 14th treatment Tuesday, May 15th. I am feeling good. The only side effect I am feeling at the moment is fatigued. I’ve been sleeping well at night. That has changed. The last couple treatments, I’ve noticed falling asleep and staying asleep has been difficult. My mind would not shut off, but my body sure felt exhausted. My appetite comes and goes. It is hard to figure out what I want to eat. But, if someone asks if I want ice-cream…no hesitations there! 😉 I was feeling good today. I got out of the house (two days post chemo) and went to a nursery to walk around for a while and find some neat plants for the garden. I’ve had a couple of stomach aches, but luckily nothing needing to come up. And oh boy, my mood swings. I’m kind of embarrassed to talk about this, but I did say from the start that I would share it all (for the most part…Lol) But, yes I can get moody and I feel so bad when I do. My brother has been such a trooper. Hahaha I’m not saying my mood swings are horrible, but when you cannot control them, it can be a big deal. I try the best I can to control it, but sometimes you just can’t. #cancersucks

The CT scan I mention in my last post, I wanted to take some time to talk about it. I did post something on Instagram about the phone call I received from my doctor. We had a follow-up apt with my doctor two days later. Word of advice, always have a follow-up apt with your doctor face to face to discuss. That face to face meeting made way more sense than what I thought I heard on the phone. My tumors are NOT actually growing. Two have remained the same and one has slightly decreased in size. Woohoo! My tumor marker has stayed around 15 for sometime now. So it hasn’t gone up, which is what I like to see. Of course decreasing that number would be ideal. The tumor that has decreased in size has a weird fluid like sack attacked to it. That sack is measuring 9.5cm. It is weird and strange. The sack is clear so my doctor isn’t concerns at the moment. If the fluid looked more like a marble look where you cannot really see through it, we would have a problem. That would trigger the sack is another tumor or the previous tumor is growing.

Let’s talk about this girls staycation! First off, this was much-needed for me. Being with some of your close girlfriends make a world of a difference. I really do cherish the relationships I have and I feel very blessed to have such an incredible support team. Plus, I love that it keeps growing. More the merrier!!! We stayed at a resort on Bainbridge Island, WA. It was so relaxing! Went to the spa and got a facial, ate yummy food (I had a decent appetite), walked around a cute town, shopped, but also did a lot of relaxing. We took a boat out both Sunday and Monday thanks to my friend’s connections. 😉 That weekend was exactly what I needed. Plus, I met some pretty cool people.

On top of that, my friends and I met this really cool guy who has his own shop on Bainbridge. It is a cool funky store and he makes/sells his own candles. Well, long story short I shared my story with him. He gave me the biggest hug and I cried. He went next door to a wine tasting room and came back with a bottle of wine for me. He also gave me one of his candles. On top of all that, he treated me to ice-cream. I was blown away. My heart-felt so good not just because my story clearly touched him, but his kindness was unbelievable. There are good people out there!

Next chemo is May 31st. I will follow-up with a CT after to see what this fluid sack is doing. If nothing changes, I will remain on the chemo I am on. If this chemo isn’t working, we will than explore clinical trials and immunotherapy. I also went in this week to get genetic testing done and the results should be back in 2-3 weeks. I am very curious to see what comes back from that.

Thank you all for reading this and for all your support!

#BeBrave

xoxo,

Audrey

Hope everyone had a nice weekend! We have been having such amazing weather in WA. It makes me happy and I love being outside.

I had chemo #13 on April 26th. It’s been alright…

I am so over this cancer life. I HATE cancer. I am tired of my body feeling not normal almost all the time. Honestly, I don’t know what normal is anymore. One day you feel really good and the next you feel like crap. I could have two days in a row feeling good. By the third day, I could feel like crap. You never know what will happen or when side effects will hit you. I hate to cancel or reschedule with friends and family because I am not feeling good. I shouldn’t have to cancel or reschedule, but when you are going to the bathroom nonstop, it’s hard to go out. Or when you are feeling fatigued, getting dressed and motivated for the day doesn’t sound fun. IT SUCKS PEOPLE.

This new chemo has been brutal. I won’t sugar coat it for you guys. I either have to choose to be constipated or have diarrhea. When someone asks me what I feel like eating, I majority of the time cannot answer that. My taste buds have changed. Something could sound good one minute, but when I have it in front of me, it isn’t so much appetizing anymore. My skin has changed and my hair keeps thinning. Feeling fatigued is not fun. I’ve had an upset stomach a couple of times to the point it has made me throw up. I had a bloody nose, which is weird for me because the last time I had a legit bloody nose was on my 13th birthday. It was very random and unexpected.

Enough about the not so nice stuff. When I feel good, I take advantage. I spend time with friends and family. I treat myself. I cherish those days of feeling good. With the nice weather, I get out and enjoy the sunshine. Vitamin D makes a world of a difference! 😉

I did have a CT scan last Tuesday to see how things are looking. My tumor marker was at a 15 last chemo. Yeah, it slightly moved up from when I mentioned it in my last blog post, but we are not worried because that change happens. It’s when it is a dramatic change is when you want to worry. And with the CT scan, we are still waiting for the results…

I will keep you guys posted once I get those results back. Crossing my fingers for great results and trying not to have too much scan-anxiety. Unfortunately, it is a thing. 😦 I have a feeling it will be good!!!

I do have a fun upcoming weekend planned that I cannot wait for! I am thinking happy thoughts and praying I am feeling good because I am so ready and excited for a staycation. Chemo was going to be this Thursday, but we pushed it back to the following week so I can go on this trip and have a good time. Eeek!

Have a wonderful week y’all and I will be in touch about my CT results.

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

Well, another postponed chemo in the books. Neutrophils were too low… 0.7

I’ve had a total of 4 chemo treatments postponed due to my neutrophils. When they are below a 1, it is risky to proceed with chemo. So I will be back on the G shot. We were hoping this new chemo would not destroy my neutrophils like the last chemo did. We wanted to get rid of the G shot so that is one less thing to put in my body. But, the G shot works and helps boost my neutrophils. So why fix something when it is not broken.

I look at this off week as an extra week to have a good feeling week. I cherish those good feeling days! Although, I do not last as long as I use to, it is still so nice to have days were you are feeling good! Especially, when WA is having such great weather.

I realized I never posted anything about “Round 12”. The biggest side effects I am dealing with is fatigued, appetite, and diarrhea. Fun! Chemo #12 wasn’t too bad. I was just tired and nothing sounded good, but I ate something. Smoothies are still hitting the spot for me. I did have some stomach aches a few times, which made me sick. That wasn’t fun. But afterwards I felt much better.

With the weather turning around, I’ve been getting out and going for walks. Getting that fresh air and that vitamin D. Some walks, I come home exhausted and some I come home feeling like I could go again. But, it feels so good! It’s so important while on chemo to be a little active. It’s hard with the fatigued and of course don’t over do it, but getting a little exercise is good for us. I have also been lifting weights (light weight of course). Again, don’t over do it, but working on that muscle mass while on chemo is important. I was seeing a personal trainer twice a week for a couple of months prior to being diagnosed and doing my own workouts too. Eating healthy. Yeah, I am sure I lost all the muscle I gained during those months. Bummer, but a little progress everyday is key.

I do not have too good of news to share with you guys. My cancer is “incurable”. You sure get use to hearing bad news. What is positive news anymore? Right now, I honestly don’t know. Hearing my doctor say those words made me emotional. At 27, you do not want to hear that. I have my whole life ahead of me and so much I want to do…it’s not fare. Every rug in the world got pulled out underneath me and my family. Why? Why me? It’s considered “incurable” because three small tumors have popped up. If nothing showed on the CT or PET and everything was clear, my reaction would have been different…more excited, but that didn’t happen.

BUT. I am looking at this in a positive way (trying my best). The reason why, my tumor marker is decreasing (it’s lowering). It went from a 41 to a 35.7 to a 35.2 to a 18 to now a 14!!! Makes me happy. Although, the tumor marker isn’t something you want to fully rely on, but with colon cancer it’s a good marker to follow. That is why you hear of cancer patients getting CT/PET scans to get a better look at how the tumors are. BUT, you guys my tumor marker is decreasing. Woohoo! Some people have their markers in the 1000’s. I am thankful mine is as low as it is.

I hope and pray that my cancer is curable and that I do become cancer free. I am hoping and praying either my tumor stabilized (doesn’t grow or shrink, stays the same). If that is the case, I just stay on a maintenance chemo once a month until it stops working. Otherwise, if this chemo stops working, meaning the tumors are growing instead of shrinking, we will explore trials. But, you guys I am hoping for a cure and I feel so good about it!

Prayers please!

xoxo,
Audrey

Who in their right mind says, “Will I have cancer at one point in my life”. Unfortunately, that could happen, but we do not think that nor do we say that. Well, I have cancer. Never thought I would say those words. Never thought I would give my body up to something like “cancer”. Never did I think at age 27 I would have cancer.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, of course I didn’t really realize how much your life is about to change. The fear you are about to face. How your body changes. You can get all the prep in the world by talking to your doctor, nurse, pharmacist, or other people going through it themselves, but it never really prepares you fully. Not until it happens and you are officially going through it.

Let me take the time to explain the “Life as a Cancer Patient” and what I go through! Now, I am not speaking for anyone else’s; I am speaking for myself and what I have been through. I am sure there are people who can relate and hopefully what I’ve been through can help someone else.

Everyone’s journey through battling cancer can be different. The chemo is different depending on which cancer you have. Side effects can be similar if you are on the same type of treatment as someone else, but different if you are on different treatments. But, each person can have different levels of how the side effects effect their body. For colon cancer, you don’t fully lose your hair, but it does thin quite a bit. For someone who has breast cancer, losing their hair fully while on treatment is common.

The unknown, is real. Every time I walk in to that doctors apt, I do not know what to expect or what I will hear. You may have a lot of questions, concerns, frustration, fear of the unknown, numbness, confusion, worry ness, freaking out mode to the extreme, and really any emotional word you can be feeling, your feeling. The unknown of how your labs are and if chemo will happen or not. The unknown of your life. The unknown of how your body is going to react. There are a lot of unknowns in this world called “cancer”.

Chemo brain…it is a thing! Hahaha Really it is. My cancer buddies out there, let me know it you deal with this too. Either message me here or message me on Instagram. AuggieJo! I’ve found myself using my calendar on my phone more to remind myself. I hardly ever had to use that. I’ve also found that I forget things easier (lot’s of brain farts) and I lose my train of thought when I am in the middle of something. There are times where I am having a conversation with someone and for a quick second, I forget what we are talking about. At the hospital last week, I over heard a lady explaining “chemo brain” to her chemo buddy while I was having round 12 of chemo (round 3 of the new stuff). People, it is a real thing. My brother likes to tease me about it!

Being young and having cancer, I’ve become a huge advocate for going to the doctors when things don’t seem quite right. I hated going to the doctors. It was a huge inconvenience, but it is so important. It is easy for us to ignore what is really going on with our bodies. It is easy to come up with excuses.

Oh that pain I am feeling, it will go away.
I just ate something that didn’t sit right.
I will just take this and I’ll be fine.
I’ll just sleep it off.
Don’t worry, I’ll call the doctor tomorrow. (Never do)

WE NEED TO STOP THAT! Especially at a young age. It bothers me under the age of 40, people do not get screened for anything. It is insane. Why? When people find out I have cancer, their reaction is, “you’re so young”. Yeah, I know. But more young people are being diagnosed with cancer. We need to start screening sooner in our adult lives than later. Getting a mammogram for a woman, the earliest they recommend getting one is 40. Getting a colonoscopy, the earliest they recommend getting one is 50. Why? Especially, when I am hearing more young individuals are being diagnosed.

For me, I was having extreme abdominal pain (more to my right side) and that triggered me to go in. Now, I did not go in right away because I just thought I had a stomach ache or ate something that did not sit right (excuses). I went in on day three. They did a CT scan and there was a lot of inflammation that showed up in my abdominal area. The doctors/nurses thought it was my appendix. It wasn’t until my surgeon went in, saw the tumor, and saw that my appendix was fine (they took it out anyways). It sure was a world wind of emotions for sure that day. My tumor ended up being perforated. The example that was explained to us was think of a bag of flour being opened for the first time. A puff of smoke comes out when opened. That is what my tumor did. I was in the hospital for 5 days and recovered for about a month and then had my first chemo treatment Oct. 5th. Getting out of the hospital was such a relief. Although, looking at myself in the mirror was something different. I was not the same girl walking into the hospital as the girl walking out 5 days later. I lost a lot of weight and I just went through a huge surgery. I struggled sleeping and just being comfortable. Going to the bathroom was challenging. Getting up walking was hard. I had horrible back spasms. It was not fun. About 40 or more staples in my stomach. Parts of me taken apart. It is no walk in the park.

When it comes to it, we have to be our own best advocate and listen to our bodies. Do not ignore things anymore. If you feel something unusual and it has been a couple of days, go in. Do not come up with excuses and do not ignore it.

Pet peeve of mine…when you are having a conversation with someone who finds out you have cancer and their response is, “Oh this person I know had cancer, but they died”. Ummm, don’t tell a cancer patient that. We want to hear success stories, not un-successful stories. Plus, I lost my mom to cancer when I was 15…I know what can happen. It won’t be me! We already know we have cancer that could take our lives (just being real). Sorry if this offends someone, but I am just speaking for myself. Don’t respond like that. I want to hear about people beating cancer, not losing to cancer. I don’t want anymore anxiety demons to worry about, plus I don’t want to place myself in those shoes.

Next on the list…

The feelings. One minute you can be feeling totally fine, the next minute you can be fatigued to the extreme, sick to your stomach, wide awake, sluggish, the list goes on. Diarrhea sucks. Change of taste buds suck. Not having much of an appetite sucks. Sometimes just the thought of eating doesn’t sound good. I’ve found red meat and pork recently hasn’t tasted great to me nor has it sat well in my stomach. I’ve stayed away. Chicken has been fine. Smoothies have been great for me and have hit the spot. The smoothies I drink are packed full with protein, berries, and spinach. Also, with colon cancer, you do not lose your hair, but your hair will thin. Thank goodness I had thick hair to begin with. I try not to put product in my hair or heat tools as much. I’ve also learned your hair not only thins, but it hardly grows. I cut my hair back in October and it looks the same. People still say, “Hey, cute hair cut”.

With cancer, you sure learn not to let the fears of the future take up much space in the present. Enjoy each moment of life as it comes. That can be hard at times. Cancer tests you in every physical way possible. There are moments where I struggle mentally, emotionally, and physically. When I am having a good day, I make sure to get out of the house even if it is just to go to the grocery store. But, when I am not having those good days, rest and relaxation is the best form of medicine. It is hard sometimes. It is hard not to think the negative. For me, I am 27 dealing with this. I think to myself, will my life ever go back to being “normal”? Will I be able to buy that house I’ve been wanting to buy? Will I ever find that person I am supposed to be with? Will I ever get married? Will my hair ever stop falling out? Will taking a shower not be so much work sometimes? Will eating not be so much work sometimes? So many unknowns with where life will take me. Right now, I am a recipe trying to get perfected and trying to find that right ingredient to make it turn out right. I’ll find it!

The BUDDIES in our lives are so important. Friends and family. Love you guys! Our chemo buddies. They laugh with us, cry with us, get pissed with us, support us, get our cravings for us, love us, stay up late because we cannot sleep, takes us for car rides just to get out of the house, the list goes on. Our BUDDIES are important! They get you by, they push you because “you” know you can do it, you may just be a little tired. They keep you company when you sit in that chair for a couple of hours. I would assume it could get boring when you don’t have that buddy to talk too. My chemo buddy has been my big brother. I’ve had other buddies come with me too and I thank you for that. My brother though has been to almost ever single treatment with me. He keeps me company, makes me laugh when I need a good laugh, he gets me something to eat, and he also entertains the nurses.

The life style you once lived changes. I had to cancel two vacation. One to go visit my best friend in Connecticut and one to visit a great college friend for her wedding. It was upsetting to cancel those trips. Taking time to remove yourself from everyday life and take a trip is always mentally refreshing. Something everyone loves! I couldn’t go. To risky to catch a cold. As a cancer patient, you have to be careful with who you are around. If you catch something, it just prolongs treatment and prolong killing that stupid cancer. I HATE cancer. But traveling on an airplane, I have to be careful. I cannot take that risk, but sometimes I think, “who cares, let’s vacation”. But still need to be careful. Lot’s of staycations!!! Your body changes. With not having much of an appetite or just nothing is sounding good, you lose weight. My hair has thinned. My skin has changed. I’ve felt more sluggish and fatigued on this new chemo treatment than the last treatment I was on. For me, I haven’t been working a whole lot. Mostly because for a while, my neutrophils (white blood cells) were in the danger zone multiple times. When your neutrophils are low, your body is at a high risk to catching the horrible flu or a basic little cold. But a basic little cold for a cancer patient is a big deal. Not something to ignore.

Let me know if there is anything specific you are wanting to know.

Thanks for reading!

xoxo,

Audrey Continue reading “Life as a Cancer Patient” →

Happy Monday everyone!

I have updates to share. Keeping a positive mind about everything and praying this will all be over soon. Cancer sucks…

The results from my PET scan showed two more small nodules in my abdominal area. So with the CT scan and PET scan complete, there are three nodules total and one of them being positive from the biopsy. No surgery for me anymore. The reason, too risky now that there are more spots popping up. My Dr. wants to act on this quickly and with surgery, it would just prolong everything. My chemo is changing to a more aggressive chemo that will hopefully destroy these nodules. We will be exploring trials as well, if this new chemo does not do the trick. I am pretty upset to think that the last 9 treatments I’ve gone through clearly weren’t working. If the chemo was, I would think these nodules wouldn’t have popped up. Now, in away I am starting over.

My Dr. informed me I now have stage 4 colon cancer. Why me? I just cried as we talked about the next steps.

Round ten was my first treatment on the new chemo. It went well! Luckily, I won’t deal with neuropathy anymore. The main side effects I will deal with is nauseous and diarrhea. I still won’t lose my hair, but it will continue to thin just like it has on the previous chemo. I was pretty tired the first couple of days. During my off week, I started to feel better and my energy was coming back more each day. Even treated myself to an ice-cream cone on one of the gorgeous sunny days we had here in WA! Getting that cone brought up a good memory I have with my dad. When I would have a day off during the week and it was sunny, we would go for a drive and get an ice-cream cone on the way. It was one of our favorite things to do.

It continues…the rug gets pulled out from underneath me yet again. I honestly thought I would bang out the 12 treatments and be done. I thought with everything I have been through, this journey would be a walk in the park. Nope, not the case. It doesn’t seem to work like that for anyone and it sure does not work the way you want it to. Cancer seems to have its own way of handling things. Well cancer, I have my way and my way is the best way. I just need to push on and kill this cancer.

With any road block that comes your way, do not get discouraged. Push on and continue to hold your head high. It is just a road block that is slowing things down, but once you get past it, life continues on!

This past Thursday (3/22) was chemo #11. It went well. I’ve just been tired and resting. Diarrhea sucks. My neutrophils were low again. They were at a 1.3 so when I got my pump detached on Saturday, I got a G shot. Trying to not have any chemo treatments postpone. My tumor marker is lowering. Woohoo!!! That is great news. The marker was at a 41 originally which was what triggered my Dr. to do a CT scan and a biopsy, followed by a PET Scan. The number than moved to a 35.7 to a 35.2. Keep on lowering! NOW…let me preface this with the fact the tumor marker is not always accurate nor a good indicator of what is actually happening for some people. For me, it has been pretty correct, but I just care about that # being as low as it can be.

Have a great week!

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

 

So my biopsy results did not come back how I was hoping they would. I so badly wanted my Doctor to say it was just scar tissue, but it wasn’t.

The 2cm nodule came back positive…

I will have another surgery very soon. The last three rounds of chemo have been postponed until after surgery and heeling. Tomorrow I will be getting a pet scan done to see if there is anything else swimming around. Wednesday, I will meet with my surgeon to schedule the surgery.

My doctor said the nodule is considered a seed from my original tumor which was perforated. Luckily, it wasn’t something new.

I am bummed about my results. Not happy I will have another surgery. BUT, I will keep fighting and keep that positive attitude. It is what it is. This surgery should be a breeze compared to my first one. Hopefully!

Battling cancer is such a roller coaster. Just when you feel like you’re nearing the end, the rug gets ripped out from underneath you.

The great thing is, for the pet scan tomorrow I do not have to drink anything. Hallelujah!!!!!

I got this! There is no stopping me and I know I will get through this battle. I just have my moments of feeling down. It’s normal and if you are going through something like cancer, you have every right to feel any feeling you want. Be mad, be sad, be happy…be every feeling you want to feel.

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

This last round was a little scary to say the least. The more chemo is put into my body, the more I am feeling it. It wipes your energy and all you want to do is sleep. Your appetite goes away for the most part. Your taste buds change and things start to sound not so good. The first 6 treatments were easier to cope with (still difficult), but as I am coming to the end of my treatment, it is getting harder and more difficult.  It is taking a toll on my body.

Thursday, I had a reaction to the chemo. First time ever. I was only 15 minutes into my treatment when my neck/face turned red and became extremely hot. My palms became itchy and I started to get abdominal pain. It was so uncomfortable and scary. My aunt ran to get my nurse and multiple people came running. There were a couple of nurses, a doctor, and my pharmacist all around me doing all they can to stop the reaction I was having. They stopped the chemo right away and gave me steroids and Benadryl. I am very fortunate for the team I have at the hospital. The reaction started to go away as the steroids and Benadryl kicked in. My nurse wanted to wait 20 minutes before starting the chemo up. It was a very long day. When we got the okay from the doctor to start back up, the chemo was given to me very slowly so a reaction would not occur again. As time went on, they slowly ramped the chemo up. Luckily, I never had another reaction.

My doctor has always mentioned that around treatment 9 or 10, people usually get some type of reaction from this chemo or people can go through all 12 treatments feeling nothing. I am fortunate that the react occurred later on. I couldn’t image having a reaction during the 1st or 2nd treatment. Hopefully, that wont happen again. Moving forward they will probably give me the chemo slowly, which means I’ll be at the hospital longer. Ugh.

In regards to the biopsy I had Tuesday, we are still waiting for the results. I HATE THE WAITING GAME. Dealing with something like cancer, the waiting game is so emotional. You want to think positive, but it is hard not to think about all the negative options. Your mind fills up with some many possibilities, it’s hard to think happy thoughts sometimes. If this 2cm nodule comes back positive, there are two options. One option is radiation and the second option is surgery. I informed my doctor I would like surgery over radiation, but whatever kills this stupid cancer, I am game. But on the other hand, this small nodule could just be scar tissue. This Tuesday we should know. I am crossing my fingers and toes it is just scar tissue.

I would be lying to you guys if I told you I was fine. I am not fine, I am scared of the unknown. I am terrified. On the outside I may be keeping a positive attitude and say I am okay, but honestly I am worried, frightened, scared, emotional. I hate to say this, but there are people out there that battle cancer and don’t make it. But on the other hand, there are people who do. I believe I will win and cancer will lose, but it is also cancer. It is not a cold, stomach ache, or a sinus infection, it is cancer. It worries me. I am a fighter and I will fight to the end, but even though I have a positive attitude, I still worry and think the worse. It is hard not to. If this nodule comes back positive, it worries me if another nodule will eventually show up in another place. When I had my surgery originally, the tumor was perforated. It makes me think, is the chemo actually doing its job. I want to think it is, but why did a nodule all of a sudden show up? Why is the chemo not attacking it? Of course I have some questions for my doctor when he calls to tell me the news. I am still hoping and praying for the best. No matter what, my positive attitude will remain the same. That is not going anywhere, but in the back of my mind, I am worried and scared.

I would appreciate all the prayers I can get and happy thoughts. Cancer will not win, I will win this battle and when I do, I will be celebrating big with my family and friends who have stuck by me and have supported me through this journey. I know once I am cancer free, my life will not be the same. I will have annual doctor visits and check-ups, but it will be my life and I will make it a good one.

#bebrave

xoxo,

Audrey

 

Only four more treatments to go. The last two treatments I’ve been feeling the chemo more and it hasn’t been the easiest. I’ve been so tired and just want to sleep.

As I am getting closer to the end, I’ve been getting more tired, more exhausted, and more sluggish. My neuropathy also has been lasting longer than in the past. Normally, my neuropathy lasts the first two days of getting chemo, but Monday I’ve been feeling it in my hands, but luckily I have not felt it in my feet. Most common areas neuropathy hits is your hands and feet. I do get the tingling in my finger tips and tongue when I touch/eat cold stuff. I’ve had to stay away from ice-cream and I LOVE ice-cream.

I am sure I have mentioned this before, one of my chemo treatments I take home with me for 46hrs. It’s in a pump and I just carry it around in my fanny pack. 😉 I am bringing the fanny pack back! Hahaha Well, around 2:30am Friday morning of last week, my pump decided to malfunction and it would not stop beeping. We called the on call doctor who informed us to just come in around 9ish to get it fixed. We got it turning off and I was able to go back to sleep. I thought I may have laid on it, but it ended up being a faulty pump and they had to switch it out for a new one.

Saturday/Sunday, all I did was sleep. I did catch the commercials and half time show during the Super Bowl. Best part of the Super Bowl was the emotional episode of This is Us. I love that show! I had a feeling Jack died by saving the dog. So sad.

Appetite has been off and on still. I enjoyed some Chick-Fil-A on Monday thanks to my friend Madison and that hit the stop. Gotta love waffle fries!

Tuesday of this week I went in to get a CT scan done to see how things are looking. Side note, I had to drink the nastiest stuff. It was a milky/thick drink with a slight flavor of berry. It was so nasty. They gave me two water bottles of that stuff and after the second one, I threw up. But I felt better. The last time I had a CT scan was at the very beginning. It was before I went in for surgery and they thought it was my appendix. I was a little nervous, but thought positive thoughts and trusting the big man upstairs that it will all be good. My doctor is happy with how my numbers are with my lab work. My neutrophils this time around were a 5.9 so they are staying in a good stop. That G shot is working!

Yesterday, I got a call from my doctor about the CT scan. Everything looked good, but there was a 2cm spot near my abdominal incision that my doctor wants to get tested to rule it out. I had a moment when I heard the voicemail and cried, but I thought to myself it’s fine and it will all work out. Regardless, it’s scary. With having cancer, you really don’t know what will happen. Anything can happen. I think it is scar tissue because that incision has taken more time to heal than the other incision. I will be going in Tuesday of next week to get a biopsy done on it to see what exactly it is. So lots a happy thoughts and prayers please!!!

Beside my cancer life, Wednesday of this week was my dad’s birthday. He would have been 57. I sure miss him so much. To share a little about my dad, he was so positive and had the biggest heart. He loved to love and loved to give. He also was a jokester. When we would go out to dinner, he loved to pay with a non debit or credit card. He usually would put his gas card down and we would just watch the waiter/waitress try to swipe it. Some would think it wasn’t funny, but most of the time we would get a laugh from them. We celebrated by having Italian from his favorite restaurant and finished it off with an apple pie from the Snohomish pie company. It was the last apple pie they had so it was totally meant to be. We also had a nice bottle of red wine too. My dad loved his wine.

This weekend I am going to spend some time with my sister, brother-in-law, and nieces. I am looking forward to that. Being around little kids just brightens your day and it’s so much fun. Well, I think so!

I will keep you guys posted on the biopsy next week. We may not have the results right away, but I will do a follow-up blog to let you know how it went.

#bebrave

xoxo,
Audrey