A few things I’ve noticed that is already different from chemo:
- No pump life! Bye-bye Peter the pump.
- No pre-meds before immunotherapy.
- Appetite! It’s improving.
- HAIR! It’s growing.
- Energy! What is this…happy to have it somewhat back.
A week has gone by from having my 1st immunotherapy treatment. I have had days where I think, is this too good to be true? I am feeling good and it is hard not to think…how long will this “good feeling” last. I hope forever because the feeling I got while on chemo, I hated it. With chemo, you know you will have bad days. Days where you are feeling so fatigued that getting off the couch to go to the bathroom is difficult. Or feeling so sick to your stomach, nothing seems to be staying down. Or loosing your hair and eyebrows. Oh and your body changes so much you have to change-up your wardrobe with clothes that actually fit and not falling off of you. Or how nothing sounds good to eat, but you know you have to eat something so you force yourself. Now, the one about the clothes, yes shopping is fun and something I enjoy. Some of you may be thinking, that’s awesome! New clothes! It is, but it also isn’t. Figuring out sizes can be challenging and ultimately it can become a stressful situation. Your body changes so much while battling cancer. One thing I have learned even before being diagnosed is that, feeling good in what you wear is key. Clothing helps someone feel good, have the confidence, and honestly who cares what others think. If you feel good and you are happy with what you are wearing, that is the only thing that matters. Figuring out what looks good and feels good on your skinny body, can be hard and a little defeated. I like to look at it as a fun challenge that can be difficult, but only if you make it that way!
I had one episode after immunotherapy where my stomach was acting up to the point I threw up…a lot. I am still dealing with stomach aches, but not as frequently. I am also still dealing with diarrhea, but not as much. Neuropathy comes and goes. It is mostly to my feet. Appetite has increased a little and I am happy about that. Energy has improved and in away, I feel like a whole new person. I know though, I still need to take things slow. I cannot over to it and I still need to be careful now that the flu/cold season is starting up. Even though it may sound like I am doing good, which I feel like I am…I still have to be careful. I still have cancer.
Which brings me to my next topic, cancer is such a mind game. It’s a game because it is so unknown. Not knowing if treatment will stop working. Not knowing when side effects will hit and how long will they last. Not knowing about the future. About life. Not knowing if I will be feeling good in 5 days. Something I have been learning and trying to really work on now that I am on immunotherapy and even on those chemo days where I felt “good” is to just do it. If that is going for a walk, getting dinner with a friend, going for a drive, baking…I need to just do it. In moderation of course because I have days where I really can’t. I do have those days where I know I can, but I don’t because I think about what could happen. Sometimes it can be embarrassing. It is a mind game that I need to snap out of. With chemo, you know what side effects will hit you, but you know it can be very unpredictable. It can just hit you at the most random times. For a little over a year, I have changed as a person. Physically and mentally. My world was completely flipped upside down. I have a hard time remembering how it feels to live a life without a life threatening disease interrupting it. I have a hard time picturing my future and what that will look like sometimes. I know it will be great though! It is life and we have to take it as it comes. At the end of the day, I am proud of what I have accomplished and will continue to accomplish during this journey. I am proud and blessed to have people in my life who are truly there for me and want this disease dead as much as I do. It is not easy and I sure have my dark days, but I am human. At the end, it will just make me stronger!
Highs and lows. Life gives you a lot of these. Our experiences can bring so much uncertainty and a constant reminder that there are no guarantees in this life. The uncertainty is hard to sit with. But, the highs and lows in our live’s, in my life will only make me and you a stronger person. The uncertainty and trails we face in life come down to being our experiences. Experiences that should be shared with other. Life isn’t perfect nor would I want it to be…it would be boring. I know I am doing the best I can and I know I can push myself more now that I feel like I have somewhat of a life back. So can you with whatever you are facing!
Treatment will be every three weeks so my blog posts may be a little more spread out, but of course I will not stop writing and sharing my story. You are more than welcome to follow my journey on Instagram as well. Username: AuggieJo.
I had a CT scan this past week to see where the status of my cancer is at. Currently, I am waiting for the results. Waiting game sucks. I feel really good about it though! CT update coming soon.