All I have to say is…CAN I BE DONE?
Honestly, I don’t think that is too much to ask for. Right? I mean it is just cancer.
Anyways, round 20 is in the bag and I have had my ups and downs with this round. I would like to think more ups. Thursday after chemo, I got home and started eating a cheese burger. I was craving one…well that ended quickly. Half way through, my stomach was not feeling too good and next moment that half of the cheese burger I ate ended up in the sink that day. The day after, couldn’t really keep anything down. My stomach was acting up, I threw up a couple of times and nothing was settling in my stomach. Mouth sores are the worse. A good old popsicle is my best friend! 🙂 It is hard to eat when you have them and nothing sounds good because your mouth hurts ever time you eat. Diarrhea hasn’t been too bad. Thank goodness! Neuropathy is kicking in. More of the pealing of the skin to my hands and feet. A little numbness to my finger tips and toes. By Sunday afternoon, I was feeling good. I was able to eat and keep it down. Plus I got out of the house. My appetite isn’t the best. What I mean is that I do not have a very big appetite, but I try to eat small meals throughout the day.
People, this cancer life is not fun nor a walk in the park. But, my tumors are shrinking!
The unknowns are horrible. Not knowing when side effects will hit. Not knowing if I will wake up feeling good (9 out of 10 times, I wake up feeling good). Not knowing if I will be able to make my plans for the day work. Oh and not knowing if I will have an episode while in the car and thinking to yourself, will I have to pull over or is there somewhere I can pull over. Let’s just say many unknowns in the world of cancer. The BIG ONE, the unknown of life. I know….dark moment right here. Sorry not sorry because this is a fact. I wont say all, but majority of cancer patients think about this. Unfortunately, it is something I think about, not a lot, but I have my moments. I usually brush it off because I know I will beat this thing. But, it is also hard not to think about that. It really is reality. To think about how much longer I have to live. WOW. I am 28 now (Birthday was on the 27th) and I think to myself I have so much life to live. I feel like I was put on this earth to live a long fulfilled life. Hahaha But, really! I do feel that way. So when I do think about my life with cancer, I try my best to picture the good and always remember the good. Easier said than done, right? I like to think the majority of the time I am a positive person so I like to think positive!!! But, I am human and unfortunately the negative tends to stick out more than we all would like sometimes. That positive things sometimes likes to stick out more and we need to hold on to those moments.
This week is a BIG week. My birthday was on Monday and my brother’s birthday was yesterday. Happy Birthday Bro!
Oh and I am typing this in the middle of the night because I cannot sleep. 🙂 So it is very earlier in the morning on Monday! Hahaha
Today…is the one year anniversary of my dad passing! It was about two weeks after I went in for my unexpected surgery. I cannot believe it has been a year. Where does the time go people? My family and I got hit with not only finding out I have cancer to my dad died. My dad was such an incredible man. He would light up the room with his personality and caring self. He never left anyone out and had such a huge heart. He was a man who would literally give his shirt off his back to someone who needed it. He loved to entertain and cook. I was sure a daddy’s little girl and I would give anything to have him back with me. I remember being in the hospital recovering from surgery and I wasn’t in a good mood this one particular day. I wanted out of the hospital so bad, but I was still in a lot of pain, plus I still hadn’t 💩. You’re welcome for that! Anyways, my dad was at the hospital everyday, but not every night. I would not allow it because he snored and I already had too many noises going on in that room. I just wanted sleep. But, this particular day my dad said something that did not sit right with me. I am not sure what it was. I asked him to leave though and go home. 😳 Did I really tell my dad to leave…yes I did because we needed some separation. Love my dad to pieces, but I needed a little time a part. Hahaha But, I was his little girl who was laying in a hospital bed not able to do much. I understand. He did not stay that night and if I remember correctly, I got a really good night sleep. Hahahaha
Today though, we will be celebrating him and the incredible person he was. I miss him everyday, but I know I have one amazing angle watching out for me…I have a couple pretty special people looking out for me above.
Also, GET YOUR REAR IN GEAR!!! Colon cancer walk is coming up. September 22nd! So soon. I would appreciate any and all contributions. If that is joining the team by signed up using the link below or donating. If you know you want to do the walk….PLEASE SIGN UP. Whichever way it may be, thank you so much and I appreciate it so so so much!!!